Almost a month again I posted the passing of my grandfather, his obituary, and his eulogy. There are times in the past month I have wanted to post here but felt a need to leave those things about him at the top of my page. It felt wrong somehow to push him down the page and, somehow, further out of my life. I know that's not real and truly doesn't have an affect on his place in my life but grief gives you crazy thoughts and crazy feelings. So, it's time to get on with things especially here at this blog. My grandpa would have wanted nothing less from me.
The day after my last post, on January 18th, I celebrated my 31st birthday. I absolutely ADORE my birthday. It's MY day, the one day of the year that's mine, to celebrate the fact that I continue to take up space on this crazy planet. This year was different. The year after I lost my dad was hard because I missed him but a few months had passed. There was time (albeit a small amount) that gave some comfort in that celebration. My grandfather passed away one week before my birthday. There's no time there. It felt so odd to be happy and celebrating when my heart was still broken and I was just barely starting to put those pieces back together again. It didn't help that I had class that day so it's not like a huge party could be undertaken anyway. The best gift was walking in the door and hearing G whisper to the kiddo's "say happy birthday mommy" followed by two very loud, very silly "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!" voices coming from the living room. It was the BEST. My family is amazing. They pick me up and carry me when I can't do it myself. One of my best friends also came over and not only did she bring me a gift (because she's awesome!) but she brought me a cake!! Who could ask for a better friend than that??!! The following weekend my aunts babysat Aiden and Livi so G and I could go out to dinner and have a nice evening to ourselves. We didn't get to go to the movies like we were hoping, nothing started at a good time for us, but we just got to be with each other and that's priceless.
So, I'm coming back. I'm tired and I'm sad some days but life keeps moving and changing and bringing with it news joys and new pains. I'm moving with it and that journey is too important to sit out.