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Monday, October 18, 2010

Fitting

I'm not sure why I find this so fitting but October is National Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month and my first pregnancy, which officially was proclaimed non-viable on February 21, 2006, had a due date of October 18, 2006. I dreaded that day for quite a while after my miscarriage but was immensely blessed that on that day I had the "big" ultrasound with my second pregnancy and found out our little bean was going to be an Aiden. G and I took the entire week surrounding that date off and were able to spend that day together. We basked in the glow of our good news. We spent the day, which was a bit cold and gloomy, on cloud nine. That day was so much different than it would have been had I not gotten pregnant when I did. To anyone else it was just a day but there was a difference in my heart. With all the joy we felt, there was still that tug at my heart that said my pregnancy should have been rapping up, not just reaching the half way mark. As happy as I still am to this day with the two beautiful babies I continually brag on, there is that tiny place inside of me that wonders just who that baby would have been and how it would have fit in to our lives. My heart goes out to every woman and family that has experienced a pregnancy or infant loss. And on this day I will always celebrate the joy we felt seeing our sweet Aiden but I will silently mourn for the baby we never had a chance to know, although it was loved from the moment it was conceived.

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