Friends I Never Imagined
Today I was catching up on my blog reading when I should have been working. Yes, I know that's horrible but I needed a break in the worst way.
I have a lot of blogs on my google reader because I just can't help myself. I started out by reading a few infertility bloggers (some of the biggies including getupgrrl and julie of "a little pregnant" and some of the beautiful people I met on the TTC boards so many years ago - you know who you are!!) and that lead to finding a few more through comments. Then I started reading the people who comment and can't stop and they get added to my reader and so on and so forth. This is how I've found one of the dearest friends I've never actually seen IRL - JJ. She is fabulous (and she's pregnant after PCOS and so many years of struggling and she found out today what she's expecting!! But I can't say because she hasn't updated her blog yet - hint, hint!).
I started my blog to talk about infertility issues, or so I thought. Somehow it just turned into the life and times of Brandy, which was okay too. I am lucky to have an amazing husband who supports me and is there for me for whatever I need but he is a man and I am a woman and we are just inherently different. When pregnancy didn't come quickly we had a completely different outlook on it, which is okay, but I needed a community that understood my need for research and understanding. I couldn't take a "wait and see" or "just relax" approach, that's just not how my brain works. It ended up being an awesome group of people that lifted me up and supported me in times I didn't think I could go on.
I said all that to come to this point. I read a lot of blogs that I almost never comment on. For a person who likes to talk a LOT (right G?!*) and has a ton of opinions on just about everything (even more right G?!) there are times I worry that my comments may hurt. The blogs I'm referring to are generally stillbirth or infant loss blogs. The reason I don't comment isn't out of a lack of caring or concern but out of fear that my comment would lead back to this site with pictures of two living babies and stories of their antics. I adore sharing Aiden and Olivia with all of you but I would never want to hurt those dealing with loss in their lives by commenting and shoving it in their faces. Does that make sense?
My view was changed. I read a beautiful blogger named Amy (who I really hope doesn't mind me talking about her here!). She gave birth Dec 13, 2007 to her son William who was born still at 25 weeks. As I said before, I'm getting caught up on my blog reading so it was just today that I came upon her post from Jan 16th asking anyone out there reading, even the lurkers, to comment and let her know. I have been a lurker there for quite some time and even though I wanted to be as sensitive as possible I also wanted to honor her request for delurking.
Her response caught me completely off guard. She said that support means everything and that she appreciated my comment. She also said "you are in my computer...which automatically makes you friendly and a friend". When I read that I had to stop for a minute and collect my thoughts. When it comes to the blogging world I have never read a statement that I found so true. While there may be toxic people and trolls out there I have been immensely blessed by the amazing group of friends I have made in my computer. When I signed on and started this journey never in my wildest dreams would I have thought some of my dearest friends would be in places I've never visited and in cities I've never seen. So I guess more than anything this is a thank you, to all of you, who continue to keep moving and living and walk tall in this world, and who then sit in front of your computer screen and give your love to so many who need it so deeply.
*If you couldn't tell from my references G does read this blog. Do your spouses or significant others read yours? Or know about them? hhmmm. That may just have to be another blog post for another day.