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Friday, June 11, 2004

Not Me

I need to get this out. Do you ever feel like someone else has taken over your body and you're looking at yourself from the outside? I have felt that way a few times in my life and today is one of them. I would normally consider myself to be a generally happy person with a positive outlook on life, ready for the day and whatever it may bring. Today is different. I don't know why and I can't explain it but today is different. I'm tired, sad, and beat down. I feel like the world is a horrible place that is only there to throw more at me than I can possibly stand. I don't know who this person is. I could cry at any moment, not for any specific reason but because I feel a sorrow in my heart that I can't begin to describe. My smile is gone and I can't seem to find it. My easy-going, natural laugh that so easily flows from my lips is harsh and forced. I find myself dreading having to speak to people and maintain a normal appearance. I don't want to act fine when I'm not fine. I want to tell people that I hurt and my rational mind can't tell me why. I want to shut the world out, close the doors, pull the covers over my head, and cry until I don't care anymore. This is not me.


Blogger Sheri said...

Oh Brandy! I am so sorry! Unfortunately I know how you feel. I have had a lot of days like that ever since I found out about our IF. Many days I consider it a triumph, merely for getting out of bed. I'll I can tell you is take minute by minute, pray, and do the best you can. (((hugs)))

2:32 PM  

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