Getting Through Life

Check Us Out

2012-01-29T00:05:00.002-05:00

I don't talk really openly and frankly about my family a ton on here, or at least not as much as I would like to. So I am doing it here. If you want to see some updated (semi) pics of me and the family check it out. :-)

It's About Time

2012-01-28T00:05:00.002-05:00

I can't remember how much I talked about the possibility of a new, more "public", blog on this site and I'm too sleepy to search for it, but I finally did it. And by finally I mean that I purchased the domain last July and have just now found the time to actually get this thing together. I have another home! It's HERE!

This blog is only known by about a hand full of people I know "in real life" who with I have actual face to face relationships. Otherwise my readership is a majority of people I have met through the internet and blogging community. To be honest, I kind of like it that way. This blog started out almost completely anonymously and then moved to being a bit more open about G and the kiddos. I tend to let my emotions go here and say things I wouldn't normally do so face to face. I'm not sure that's a 100% great thing but it's still the way it is nonetheless. This new space, on the other hand, is going to be completely public. I will be posting there regularly less about "personal" stuff and "feelings" and more about every day life. I will be much more open about things like my location and even include full names on a regular basis. Yep, I will be holding less back in some ways and yet keeping part of me private in that location.

For those reasons I have no intentions as of yet to get rid of this space. This is still my "private" space. I come here for support and care and laughs and tears. That isn't likely to change anytime soon. I won't have any references to this space on my other blog and I would appreciate it if no one else does either. I know you all can keep a secret. :-)

If you want to talk to me a bit more openly about fashion, budgets, fitness, and probably just about anything you can think about, please come by and see me - it's going to a FUN! It's still a work in progress but hopefully as you see changes it will be for the better. It's worth a try anyway!

Big Goals

2012-01-27T21:33:00.002-05:00

I want this. Or at least one really similar. And I'm not talking about the 5K medal. I want the one that says "Half Marathon". I want it because I've earned it and finished a half marathon after training my butt off this year.

G and I have done a few 5K races and plan to do more this year but more than that we would both love to get in better shape and push ourselves to do something we have never done before. And this would be a BIG push. I've used "And" too many times to start sentences in this post but sometimes that's just the way it has to be.

We really want to do a half marathon together, I sort of have one in June picked out, but I also want this on my list this year. It's a women's only race but I know G will cheer me on if I can make this happen and accomplish this goal. I would LOVE any tips, pointers, knowledge, hints, ANYTHING you can send my way for help in this undertaking. I don't want this to be something I have just talked about, I want to make it happen.

And I would really love a pretty ribbon to go along with my accomplishment. What woman doesn't like pretty accessories??

We Need Help

2011-12-05T10:43:00.004-05:00

I don't know any other way to say it. Normally I'm not one to ask for other people's help. G and I have never wanted anything from anyone else that we didn't earn, that we didn't work HARD for. We paid for our own wedding, we supported ourselves as a married couple, we bought a home with 20% down, and when things have been rough we've worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet. G and I both have dreams of where we want our lives to be. I want to take care of people, to serve and help them as a nurse (hence my current status as a nursing student). He is a writer and he would love to make that his career. Right now he has another full-time job to pay the bills but it's just a job. It's a cruddy job that he really doesn't like but he does it every day just to make sure we can support our family. Up until a few weeks ago I also had a full-time job but that was taken away. I didn't lose it, I didn't quit, it's just gone. The company I worked for decided to get cheap, outside labor and got rid of my position. I can't say that I hate being unemployed, being that I can focus on school and spend more time with my family and on my home. But I hate that it hurts us financially and now we're in the position of struggling regularly. My unemployment is delayed due to issues with my previous employer not reporting my income properly. This week I'm going to apply for Medicaid for the kids, as well as WIC and the local health clinic for G and I. Everything is just going wrong right now. I never thought this is where my life would be at 31 years of age.

But this is where you can help. G is trying to self publish his 2nd and 3rd books. One is his second full length novel and the other is a collection of his short stories. He self published his first novel Guarding the Healer (which is available here and here) and we paid for that ourselves but it is NOT cheap. We have to pay for formatting, editing, and cover art. Last year we used our tax return but this year that's not going to be possible with our current financial circumstances. So what does that mean to you? I know I've mentioned this before but it's all about something called Kickstarter. It's a great place where aspiring artists, inventors, etc can look for funding for their projects, where people can invest in something and receiving something in return. And to get something you don't have to invest a lot, every little bit means something HUGE to us.

We have put this on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, G's blog, and here. So far over two weeks in and it's only 8% funded. 8%. Wow. We hoped it would be so much farther than that now. There are only 2 weeks left (it ends December 17th) and if it's not fully funded then none of the funding goes through and the projects will have to wait. I'm disappointed at this point. I'm disappointed that I have 419 friends on Facebook and G has 370 and yet we can't even get a total of 350 of those combined people to invest $10 each. I'm disappointed that more close friends and family, that we have helped and supported when we were in a better financial place haven't wanted to do anything for us. I'm sad that there's a real possibility that the work I know G has poured his heart and soul in to may not be seen by people who would appreciate it any time soon for something as simple as money.

I know the economy is not fabulous right now (we're living proof of that) but would love any help you could offer. I don't just want our friends and family to see this (especially considering they don't even read this blog for the most part) but rather the world. I know many of you are in hard situations too but if you could share this, if you could tweet the link to the Kickstarter page or share it on Facebook. I would love this to go viral and to allow people from all over to see someone with talent and drive, who wants simply to get the ideas out of his head and out into the atmosphere for others to see. If you can donate of course we would be so very grateful but if you can just pass it along and know you're doing something for a family that's struggling right now that would be so very appreciated too. There's a link on my left sidebar including the counts but each of the Kickstarter links here will take you directly to G's project too.

Thank you. Thank you for listening to me vent about this situation. Thank you for passing this along and getting it out there further into the world. And thank you for coming back to my blog even after reading this post.

Support the Arts!

2011-11-21T12:37:00.003-05:00

My amazingly talented husband has written another book - SERIOUSLY! His creativity never ceases to astound me. He has also written multiple short stories that the world should get the chance to read. The problem? Well funding of course. To get both of these books published it's going to be about $3,500 and with me just losing my job last week (yep, another post for another day) there's no way we have the funds at this time. That's where you come in. Gabe posted this project on Kickstarter, an awesome site designed to help people who need funding. Right now there are only 26 days and thus far no support. I would LOVE for that to change ASAP. No matter what you are able to give you do get neat things in return. If you can't invest at this time we completely understand but I would LOVE for you to share the project with the people that you know. I have embedded a widget on the left sidebar to make it easy to click through but I'm going to include the link here as well. If you can invest, thank you from the very bottom of our hearts, and if you can't we completely understand and would love any publicity you can swing our way. The internet community is the best!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/gabeswriting/contemplations-of-dinner-and-predatory-animals?ref=card

Overdue Addendum

2011-11-04T07:04:00.002-04:00

Way back in June I updated about my life and the fact that I was accepted into the Licensed Practical Nursing program at my local college (which by the way, is HARD to do). If you don't remember the details you are welcome to check it out here: http://brandysjourney.blogspot.com/2011/06/good-and-bad.html So, I started school in mid-August on a Monday. By Tuesday it was quite obvious to me that they had made a mistake and I never should have gotten into the LPN program. I should have been accepted into the Associate of Science in Nursing program, which would allow me to sit for the testing to become an RN, and is a MUCH harder program to get in to. After two days of standing up for myself, pretty much demanding my score be refigured, and finally apologies from the Dean of Nursing I was moved into the Associate of Science in Nursing program. I no longer have a graduation date in mind of May 2014 but rather should be done (assuming I pass all classes the first time through!!) in May of 2013. That's an entire year of my life. That's one heck of an addendum. So that's also one of the reasons I have been MIA. Nursing school is kicking my rear and I'm still working full-time. That will change soon but that's a story for another day.

Over It

2011-10-12T22:21:00.001-04:00

I know all I do is complain here right now but I can't help it. I can't complain on Facebook about this because you never know who is watching but I have to get this out. I worked an extra 4 hours Monday and my boss is dinging me today because I was down 1.5 hours. REALLY??!! She is a MORON and I am BEYOND over this job.

My Boss

2011-09-30T09:23:00.001-04:00

Is a B****! Ok, that was probably better than screaming it in her face. Ggggrrrrr!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

2011-09-15T08:23:00.001-04:00

When I started 9th grade I got a pair of black jeans that were a 30 x 30 and I thought they were HUGE. I was worried someone would see my giant size tag in my jeans because they were just so BIG. Oh how times change.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Where Were You?

2011-09-11T23:23:00.001-04:00

I was sitting in my office on a gorgeous late summer morning. I was drinking coffee and getting started for the day. Everything was normal, nothing special or out of the ordinary. Until my co-worker, who came in later than I did, walked in and said he heard on the radio that a small plane hit the World Trade Center. We discussed what a crazy thing that was and didn't understand how in the world it could happen. Well, that is, until the news that another plane had hit. That's when things changed. We called family members, G called me, to make sure we were okay, unbelieving of what was happening to our country. We went 3 floors down to a TV and watched with others, the strength of our collective group more than the strength we had apart. We watched in shock and horror as the two towers, symbols of something that could never be destroyed, somehow fell, one and then the other. We prayed, hoped, cried, and our hearts were truly broken for the lives lost on that day. It has been 10 years but I remember it like it was yesterday.

As I have watched the coverage remembering 09/11 these last couple of weeks I have done so with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I have not forgotten, nor will I ever, the lives that were lost, the heroes that were made, and the absolute goodness that came forth in the days following this tragedy. The people that never came home and those that had to continue their lives without them will always be in my heart.

Looking For New Breakfast Ideas!

2011-07-08T16:50:00.004-04:00

And I found one! Kenlie just put up an awesome opportunity and I'm 100% in. Go check it out!!

Not only does this include a coupon for FREE cereal but it's a healthy breakfast option. Score!

Freedom Isn't Free

2011-07-04T22:24:00.001-04:00

Sometimes my husband (the awesome writer!) says it so much better than I ever could. Happy Independence Day all!

The Ugly

2011-07-01T13:58:00.003-04:00

So I did the good and the bad. Let's hit the ugly. And by ugly I mean the number on the scale. Because HOLY. CRAP. I freaking did it again. Yes, I gained back all but about 10 pounds of what I lost two years ago. And because I got rid of all my "fat clothes" or at least most of them, I barely have any clothes that fit. And I'm NOT buying bigger clothes. Instead I'm back on Weight Watchers® and truly excited about the new PointsPlus+ program.

I have my new tracker, my points calculator for my phone, and I'm ready to get going again. So far this week I've only lost 1.3 pounds but that's 1.3 gone and that's better than nothing. I'm thinking about taking on Deanna's watermelon challenge because I love me some watermelon and it's ZERO points! Anybody with me?*

*On the weight loss, not necessarily the watermelon challenge. He he.

The Good and The Bad

2011-06-21T09:57:00.004-04:00

For now we will leave ugly alone. Or at least try anyway.

So I'll go with the good first - I have officially been accepted into the LPN program at my school. That means I have 12 months (or three semesters) of training to go to become a licensed practical nurse. Then after a short break (only due to the start time of the program) I will turn around and transition into the RN program for another 8 months (or two semesters) of study. I now have an end date in site. In May of 2014 I have the goal of graduating and becoming a registered nurse. While that has been my goal for quite a while now, the details have been fuzzy because of just trying to get pre-req's out of the way and be accepted into a highly competitive field. But now I have been accepted and things are so much clearer than they were before. And I could NOT be happier.

Of course all of that is tempered by the official bad news I got last week. My job is most definitely being outsourced to a horrible company in the next 2-3 months. As usual they want to make it seem like this is a GREAT thing and everything will be wonderful. Oh, we'll work on the same hospital accounts we work on now, we'll have benefits, we'll keep our seniority dates from the hospital, blah, blah, blah. I'll break it down for you and get through all the crap. That would be fine if everything was truly the same but it's not even close. When you break down the numbers I would be doing the exact same work for a FRACTION of the pay, and when I say fraction I'm talking at LEAST $6.00/hour less kind of pay. And that's not okay at all. So I'm looking at all my options including NOT taking the new position and applying for unemployment and looking into Medicaid for the kids. I haven't been uninsured since I was 19-years-old. G and I have both worked since we were 16-years-old and have contributed to our homes. This has thrown me for a loop. It's hard for me to believe I'm actually looking to see what kind of aid I can get and help in the "welfare" department. But I'm a mom and I'm trying to do what I can to make sure my family is taken care of during a time in which I have no control over my job. Normally I stress out and freak out in times like this but more than anything, right now I'm okay that things are going to change and we will get through it together. Because really, that's all that matters anyway.

So that's the good, and when I say good I actually mean "freaking AWESOME", and the bad. The bad sucks but it's life and we will get through it. The good is what keeps us going.

Picture Contest

2011-06-16T11:33:00.003-04:00

So I've done one other contest I think and a pic* I took this morning made me want to do another one.

Livi hasn't been feeling well lately so she's home with mommy again today. On the way home she conned me into getting her something (and yes, I take full responsibility for this). The hidden thing is behind her sippy cup and I'll give you a hint - she's holding the straw. Just post your answer and anyone that gets it right will be entered in a drawing to win. I'm not going to tell you the prize since it may give another hint to the hidden item but I can tell you I would ALWAYS love to win this prize. Good luck!

* The pic was taken with my phone so even with a little Photoshop help it's still grainy. I figure that just gives a little more fun to the guessing since it takes some of the clarity away. He he.

My Husband: The Writer

2011-06-15T13:21:00.003-04:00

My husband, G, has written a book and published it through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Smashwords. To say it is fabulous is an understatement. Yes, you may all think I am biased but it is still true. The description follows the pic.

When Silas Walker is endowed with the power to heal, he discovers that no gift comes without a price.

The obsession of a murderous man possessed by an ancient evil, Silas is plagued with photos of the Creature's victims, each marked with a crude image of an angel. After being given an ominous warning, "I have no need of martyrs”, Silas embarks on a journey to discover the true purpose of his gift and draw his enemy away from those he loves.

Fleeing from not just his Stalker, but a whole army of demons, Silas must rely on his friendship with a young drifter named Tommy, and a guardian angel he doesn't even know exists.

Silas's guardian angel is doing all he can to protect his charge, but he is certain that Silas is heading into an ambush. He also knows that there is no turning back.

Even an angel can't alter a man's destiny.

G has spent years writing short stories and this novel. His short stories have been published previously but now he's decided to get his book out there for the world to read. To say I am proud of him doesn't even begin to cover it. I am an analytical person, he got the creativity in this partnership. He has more imagination and creativity in the two hands he used to write this book than I have in my entire body. He has talent and a desire to share the stories that he comes up with so that other people can enjoy them too. I am truly in awe of that.

Now please, follow the links above and go purchase this fabulously suspenseful novel for your iPhone, Kindle, iPad, iPod, Nook, tablet, or just to read on your computer. You won't be sorry and really, is $2.99 too much to spend to support a writer trying to make his mark on the world??

No One Gets It Right

2011-06-02T12:46:00.003-04:00

While I am REALLY glad the "fertility specialist" who treated the "Octomom" is losing his license, I am still highly annoyed that people keep using the term "implanted" when referring to the transfer of embryos. What do they NOT get about this process? Is it really that hard to do a little research?? So freaking annoying.

Just Is

2011-05-17T21:00:00.002-04:00

Through a co-worker I found out today that our hospital is planning to outsource July 31st. They aren't telling everyone but rather just a few here and there, which I find childish and unprofessional. Oh and they're trying to hire right now to make up for the people who have already jumped ship. I have no idea what this is going to mean to my family but I'm going to believe the Lord knows best. I've lost jobs before due to outsourcing and it sucks but I've always ended up better for it. That's what my mind says. The rest of me has a panic attack every time I think about it. Crap.

Still There

2011-05-13T16:34:00.002-04:00

I have no idea exactly how to describe this so if it sounds jumbled I apologize.

Yesterday a sweet young woman whom I am friends with on Facebook, and who just got married last winter, posted a picture of a pregnancy test with two lines. I hate that my first thought wasn't of pure joy and happiness for her and her husband but rather "I hope they didn't make a mistake by posting that too early and won't have to come back and tell everyone if something bad happens."

I remember that joy. I remember telling people at 5 weeks and being so excited we could hardly contain ourselves. And I remember miscarrying at 6 weeks and having to turn around and tell everyone that. While I know remembering those feelings makes me that much more thankful for what I have, there are times that I wish I didn't know those feelings and could just have happiness for a friend. But it's still there.

Go Vote!

2011-05-11T00:05:00.000-04:00

The awesome Jamie over at Sticky Feet has been nominated for an award for Top 25 Parents of Multiples Blogs. Go vote for her!!

Seven Years

2011-05-10T00:30:00.001-04:00

How have seven years passed since I started this blog? I started it as an outlet for my life, to share the struggles of infertility and of everything that surrounds that. I have changed jobs four (well five if you count changing professions under the same employer) times, gotten fired from one position, and gone back to school. I have shared the sad times, my miscarriage, and the happy times I couldn't even comprehend when I started this journey, the births of my two children, Aiden and Livi. I shared this with the world, with all of you. You have supported me and held me up like I could never have imagined when I began this walk. You have shared in my joys and triumphs and comforted me when little else could. I'm not always faithful to this space like I should be but you all mean the world to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking this thing out with me, walking side by side. What little I thought I needed from this space you gave back in spades, I could never have asked for more. And they thank you too.

Limbo

2011-05-04T17:01:00.002-04:00

I just got this email message from one of the higher ups at the hospital I work for:

Please be aware we are currently negotiating a new contract regarding transcription. At this time, nothing has been decided or set in stone. Once the decision is made, all transcription employees will be notified and options will be discussed. Please understand there are currently no changes to the way transcription is being done.

Your cooperation and patience is appreciated as we work through this transition. Should you have any questions, please e-mail me.

Wow. There had been a lot of rumors of the possibility of outsourcing but nothing had been confirmed. I guess this was the confirmation. I'm still waiting to hear back about nursing school and now this. I need something to be stable and right now very few things are. Limbo sucks.

Feeling Pointless

2011-04-20T19:32:00.001-04:00

I don't want to get into why I feel this way, because really in the end it doesn't matter nearly as much as the fact that I do in general, but in one aspect (albeit a small one) of my life I do. I have endeavored to do something with a group as one of the leaders yet regularly my input and leadership are either discounted or altogether ignored. It just makes me wonder why I keep trying sometimes.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Could NOT Disagree More

2011-04-20T10:20:00.002-04:00

I'm a little behind on this but apparently Babble and Parents magazine have articles about parents who use a leash for a child. Why is EVERYTHING a judgment?? Why do we have to hold parenting choices out there as if our opinions matter at all? One of the quotes is:

“Here’s what I think of people who leash their children: I’m not going to go so far as to call them bad parents, but I will call them lazy parents.” Erinbehan, Babble.com author

Really? That bad? Wow. How about the parent whose child has autism or an autism spectrum disorder that needs some freedom but will tender to wander off regularly? Or how about the toddlers that shriek in the presence of a stroller but are perfectly happy to have a cute backpack on? Toddlers have no idea that they should be ashamed. It's adults who place that shame and label on them.

Or how about me, a paranoid parent that has read one too many articles and seen one too many TV news reports of children going missing? I haven't used a leash on either of my children but we are thinking about going to a large amusement park this summer. There is an excellent chance I will be buying leashes just in case we need them and I won't feel even the slightest bit bad about it. The safety of my two kids is worth way more than a little bit of embarrassment in the scheme of things. And that most definitely is not lazy parenting.

Better Than I Could Say

2011-04-19T23:14:00.002-04:00

The beautiful Cece posted this, which I am now stealing. It's actually a prayer by Tina Fay for her daughter. There are truly no better words.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

Small Victories

2011-04-15T22:01:00.002-04:00

Livi peed on the potty for the first time tonight! I know this is the beginning of a long process but it's amazing to see my baby taking steps like this. So bittersweet and awesome at the same time. Go Livi go!

New Blog, New Purpose

2011-04-14T16:26:00.003-04:00

So I'm thinking about starting a new blog. I have no intention of getting rid of this blog, far from it. I'm just thinking about starting a blog for a totally different purpose. I don't talk about it a ton but I am a highly religious person. Along with that I try to dress very modestly, while also trying to be trendy at the same time. I don't wear pants and I don't cut my hair so I have to find good ways to look cute but that fit within those guidelines. It's getting harder and harder to do that and I want to start a blog that highlights great finds from the internet (like the awesome swim skirts I just found!) on a regular basis. Right along with that I would like to leave open the possibility of this growing and becoming something more than a private blog. This is the kind of blog I would share through facebook and with people in IRL, which I don't do with brandysjourney. I might even consider ads and that sort of thing. So here's the question. What platform should I go with? I have been with blogspot so long that I'm familiar with it but I've never done anything with ads and that hinders me. Is wordpress a better way to go?? Please all of you wonderful awesome bloggers out there - point me in the right direction!!

Always Something

2011-04-14T10:34:00.003-04:00

So yesterday I got confirmation that the hospital I work for is definitely considering outsourcing my department. From what I understand the plan would be for the transcriptionists to become employees of the outsourcing company but I can almost guarantee that means much worse pay, a schedule that's not even close to as flexible (and could easily be 2nd or 3rd shift), and obviously a big change in benefits. I don't even know what to think about it right now. I'm still trying to get into nursing school for the fall (I officially applied two weeks ago!!) and need things to line up to allow me to be able to go. I do believe that things work out the way they're supposed to for a reason and in just the right time but I really didn't need this level of stress added to my life. Not at all.

Small Pieces

2011-04-13T09:15:00.002-04:00

Since my dad died I have kept a few of his things, some larger and some smaller. Over time I have been able to get rid of some of those things, a little at a time. We no longer use his old end tables or coffee table, they're sitting in my garage. We sold his breakfast nook last year when we got a new dining room table and took our small table and placed it in the kitchen. And yesterday we sold my dad's tanning booth. He bought it shortly before he passed away and I inherited it in the end. I haven't used it much the last few years and we really needed the room it was in for Aiden. I didn't mind the thought of selling it. I mean, it's just a piece of equipment right? It's not my dad, just a machine he purchased. But it feels like my dad. It feels like one more small piece of him that's slipping away. The longer he's gone, the more I've lost and the farther away he seems. I didn't realize this piece would hurt so much but it does. One more piece.

All About The Deals

2011-04-11T12:58:00.003-04:00

G and I bought our house a little over 8 years ago. During that time I have always had the desire to change out the ceiling fan/light fixture in the dining room for a chandelier. It just seemed so much more appropriate for a dining room right? Anyway, I refused to buy one because the ones I liked best were always in the $300.00 range, which I find to be RIDICULOUS. As anyone who has been keeping up lately can probably tell I love me a deal. I was volunteering at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore last week and saw a chandelier that I fell in love with instantly. The best part?? It was only $36.00! Seriously!! So now we have this awesome chandelier in our dining room and the still fabulous ceiling fan is now in our bedroom.

Please try to ignore the Spongebob pinata in the background. That's just life. :-)

Just Feels Wrong

2011-04-08T11:07:00.002-04:00

My grandfather was 84-years-old when he passed away. His birthday way in October and he was gone by January. I still don't understand how it happened so fast. Today I was listening to the radio and heard the radio personalities talking about Hugh Hefner's birthday (of all things right??) and tomorrow he will be 85. How is it that Hugh Hefner, a nasty old perv, has gotten to live longer than my amazing grandpa? It may be selfish but it just feels wrong to me and hurts more today than it has in a while, even if I can't quite put my finger on why.

Four Times Thankful

2011-03-10T08:45:00.001-05:00

This was four years ago today:

And this was just a couple of weeks ago (both taken with camera phones):

Aiden Gabriel came into our lives and changed everything. And I couldn't be more thankful. He has blessed us each and every day of the last four years. Happy birthday bub!

Craigslist Is My Friend

2011-02-14T15:42:00.003-05:00

I absolutely adore Craigslist. I have both bought and sold items including furniture, coupons, and other various goods. I have even advertised my garage sales on there and gotten a LOT of good feedback. For the last couple of months I have been diligently scanning Craigslist on an almost weekly basis for a roll top desk. Currently Aiden lives in our bedroom and Livi lives in what was originally supposed to be Aiden's room. Our third bedroom is an office/tanning room but that has got to change. Lately I haven't even used the office. I usually work on the laptop in the dining room and our old computer is getting ssllllllooooooowwwwwwwww. It's time for Aiden to have his own room and for us to have an official "work space". Well last week I scored BIG time on Craigslist. A gorgeous oak desk (my house has a very "country/primitive" feel) that had been posted for a couple of weeks was still there just in time for me to get a little bit of extra money I had been waiting on. It was an hour away but well worth the drive so I contacted the seller and he said it was MINE. G and I drove up with the truck and car (this desk is HUGE) up to Indianapolis an hour away on Saturday and sped away with the desk as quickly as we could.

This is the desk all set up and closed. The piece on the floor is my foot pedal I use for transcription and the cord hanging out of the roll top is the power cord to the laptop.

And this is the desk this morning after I got my Starbuck's and sat down to work in our new dedicated work space. I can't tell you how good it feels to sit at a desk instead of a table and have a space to hide all the work at the end of the day.

To say this fits our space and all of our needs right now perfectly is an understatement. Craigslist ROCKS!

Coming Back

2011-02-13T08:17:00.003-05:00

Almost a month again I posted the passing of my grandfather, his obituary, and his eulogy. There are times in the past month I have wanted to post here but felt a need to leave those things about him at the top of my page. It felt wrong somehow to push him down the page and, somehow, further out of my life. I know that's not real and truly doesn't have an affect on his place in my life but grief gives you crazy thoughts and crazy feelings. So, it's time to get on with things especially here at this blog. My grandpa would have wanted nothing less from me.

The day after my last post, on January 18th, I celebrated my 31st birthday. I absolutely ADORE my birthday. It's MY day, the one day of the year that's mine, to celebrate the fact that I continue to take up space on this crazy planet. This year was different. The year after I lost my dad was hard because I missed him but a few months had passed. There was time (albeit a small amount) that gave some comfort in that celebration. My grandfather passed away one week before my birthday. There's no time there. It felt so odd to be happy and celebrating when my heart was still broken and I was just barely starting to put those pieces back together again. It didn't help that I had class that day so it's not like a huge party could be undertaken anyway. The best gift was walking in the door and hearing G whisper to the kiddo's "say happy birthday mommy" followed by two very loud, very silly "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!" voices coming from the living room. It was the BEST. My family is amazing. They pick me up and carry me when I can't do it myself. One of my best friends also came over and not only did she bring me a gift (because she's awesome!) but she brought me a cake!! Who could ask for a better friend than that??!! The following weekend my aunts babysat Aiden and Livi so G and I could go out to dinner and have a nice evening to ourselves. We didn't get to go to the movies like we were hoping, nothing started at a good time for us, but we just got to be with each other and that's priceless.

So, I'm coming back. I'm tired and I'm sad some days but life keeps moving and changing and bringing with it news joys and new pains. I'm moving with it and that journey is too important to sit out.

In Memoriam

2011-01-17T15:52:00.004-05:00

The Obituary:

Max Edward C******* Sr., 84, of Bloomington passed away on Tuesday January 11, 2011 at Bloomington Hospital. He was born on October 3, 1926 to the late William P. and Blanche E. (Harper) C******* in Bloomington. He was retired from operating C*******'s Sharpening Shop and owned C*******'s Bait & Tackle Shop for years.

He was a member of Bloomington Baptist Church (Southern Baptist), a life member of the Retired Officers Association, Life member of Disabled American Veterans (DAV) and life member of the Veterans of Foreign Wars of the United States (VFW).

Survivors are his wife: Mildred Velda C*******, Two daughters: Linda G. C******* and Cheryl A. C*******, Granddaughter and husband: Brandy & Gabe B*****, Grandson: Max E. C******* III, one Great Grandson Aiden B*****, and one Great Granddaughter Olivia B*****, also one brother Howard E. C*******, and a sister & husband: Patty Jo & Joe L*****, two sisters-in-law: Mildred C******* and Virginia C******* and many nieces and nephews.

At age 16 he took the examination for entry into the US Navy. The day he was 17 he was sworn into the Navy at the Circle in downtown Indianapolis, Indiana. He served in the military during four wars. During WWII he served in the Navy aboard the USS LST 620 as a gunners Mate. He was in the Normandy Invasion at Omaha Beach Head. Then went to the Pacific Ocean and was at Iwo Jima, Siapan, Tori Island and Okinawa. He served in the Army during the Korean, Vietnam and Cold Wars. He retired form the US Army in 1967.

Visitation will be from 4 to 8 PM Thursday at the Deremiah-Frye Mortuary, Greene & Harrell Chapel and one hour prior to the service on Friday, the service will be at 11:00 AM Friday at the Mortuary, with Rev. ***** ******** officiating. Burial will follow the service at Valhalla Memory Gardens with Military Services by the Veterans Honor Guard.

Online condolences may be made to the family at www.deremiahfryemortuary.com

The Eulogy (which I read at the funeral service through many tears):

I'm not sure how far into this I'm going to get but please bear with me. My grandfather was an exceptional man. There are few regrets I have in this life but one I do is not speaking at my father's service. I didn't want to have that same regret for a man who has meant so much in my life.

Grandpa was a patriot who served his country. In that service he met my beautiful grandmother and they started a family. He took care of grandma, we still talk about him running out to the store any time she mentioned the bread running out or the milk getting low, and always making sure the car was warmed up on a cold day. He raised his three children and by the time my brother and I came along I'm sure he thought he was done but that most definitely wasn't the end of the story. When my mother and father divorced my dad had a lot on his hands. My grandparents didn't have to help him the way they did, there are many that wouldn't. Instead he supported us in every way he knew how to. In elementary school we were close enough that grandpa took us and picked us up daily. By middle school we took the bus about a block and a half away but on cold winter mornings grandpa would drive us to the bus stop and sit there with us so we wouldn't have to wait for the bus in the cold. On Saturday mornings there were lots of times I would wake up early and it would be just me and grandpa for a while. He would turn on cartoons and make me toast, cut into little triangles with lots of butter of course. He knew just how I liked it.

I consider my personality to be an interesting blend of my family. I get my emotional side from my aunt Cheryl, my more controlled and stoic side from my aunt Linda, my temper from my dad (although we may all be guilty of that), and my faith in the power of prayer from my grandma. I think I get my desire to take care of things from my grandpa. I'm sure Gabe can tell you sometimes I ask him the most obvious of questions, as if he were a kid. He'll just roll his eyes at me and tell me of course he's taken care of whatever it is I'm asking about. It's not that I don't think he will, it's my need to double check and the desire to make sure everything is okay. As I've gotten older I can't tell you the number of times my grandpa has asked me a silly question or reminded me 'you know you have to get your oil changed right?' to which I would remind him that I was an adult or I might lock eyes with one of my aunts in a knowing look of understanding. Now that I have children I understand that desire he had to make sure we were all safe and taken care of because no matter how old we got we were still his kids. I'm so thankful I got to know this man, that I had his example in my life on how to love and take care of my family. I know how truly blessed I am for that.

Grief Is Cumulative

2011-01-05T15:06:00.002-05:00

The more I think about my grandfather and the situation he is in, the worse I feel. I was just talking to G about it and he said "grief is cumulative, you should know that better than most, it builds up and you dump it, it builds up and you dump it. You just have to hope it doesn't build up so much that it smothers you". I don't know that I've ever heard truer words spoken. Sometimes I am fine and completely calm about the fact that my grandfather has terminal cancer. Other times, like this moment, the tears spill freely just speaking about the possibility of losing him.

The doctors have confirmed that this is incurable. He had surgery yesterday and his right lung is covered with cancer. Right now all I can pray is that my grandfather, the amazing man that served his country, raised his family, cared enough to help raise his grandchildren, and adores his great grandchildren can live the rest of his life relatively pain free with his family around him and that he knows how very much he means to all of us.

Overwhelmed

2011-01-04T09:57:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we found out that my grandpa, who is 84-years-old, has cancer. He's been having trouble with fluid filling around his right lung, which they removed and tested. It contained cancer cells. As soon as the big "c" word comes out it's like the world turns upside down. My grandpa and grandma aren't just grandparents to me. They have been a HUGE part of my life since I was a toddler. My dad was a single father and to help him we lived with them so he could work and they took care of us. My grandmother is the only mother I've ever known and my grandfather is certainly an amazing father figure, especially since losing my dad eight years ago. I absolutely hate that at his age he has to deal with something like cancer. My grandparents have had amazing health, comparatively, and both are extremely mentally sharp for their ages. I was thrown for a loop to find this out yesterday and am still trying to wrap my minds around it.

Honestly, the thing that has overwhelmed me more than anything is the support I have around me. Not only do people IRL (people I've known since I was a kid even) send me messages, texts, and comments on facebook, but all of my internet friends are out here offering encouragement for a family you have never actually laid eyes on. I can't tell you all how much I appreciate it and feel very fortunate to have an amazing group of people around me and out there in the world with concern and care. Thank you all.

Sometimes It Really Does Pay Off!

2010-12-17T16:07:00.003-05:00

I may have only gotten about 2.5 hours of sleep last night because of last minute cramming for my anatomy final but in the end it was all worth it. I got an A on the test, got extra points through a mandatory extra credit exam, and finished up the semester with a 99.8% in my class. That's two "A's" this semester. Anatomy I & II were two of the hardest classes I have ever taken and I did them on an accelerated schedule so I can get this schooling thing out of the way. It was not easy, sometimes it was downright HORRIBLE, but I am so glad I did it and can now apply for nursing school. By June I will know what my future holds...

If Only a Subtle Hint Would Make a Difference

2010-12-16T12:35:00.003-05:00

This time of year you can't turn on the news without some story about how to tip during the holidays. As I was watching the morning personalities go over how much the service people in your life deserve I was struck by a glaring omission. Of all the people they mentioned they didn't say a thing about cleaning staff. Why are a hairstylist, mailman, and nanny deserving of a holiday gift but not the person that cleans the toilets? As a side job to help make a little extra money for our household I have cleaned an office for the last 4.5 years (with G's help the last couple of months!). Not once in all that time have I been given any sort of holiday bonus/gift. How do you hint for something like that?? In reality I can't say anything at all because the office is owned by G's cousins so they're family and I can't be all "hey, I bet you give the mailman a gift, what about me??" And that's my holiday gripe. At least I got it out of the way early. :-)

Should Have Known Better

2010-11-16T10:52:00.002-05:00

When I saw the title of the song that a friend of mine posted a video for on Facebook I should have known it would be a bad idea to watch. It's a song called "I Sure Miss You" by The Crabb Family. The first verse says:

If life could only bring again, the days I took for granted when
To hear your voice was just a call away
Oh what I'd give for just some time, to say the things that slipped my mind
There's so much now I'd really like to say
But I can never go back when we did the things we did back then
I'll store those precious memories in my mind
I'll take what you've instilled in me; I'll try to be all I can be
And walk the path that you have left behind

I miss my dad, each and every day I walk the path he left behind. I just miss him a little more today.

Commiserating

2010-11-10T13:08:00.002-05:00

This is for misszoot!

My kitchen looked so good last night when I came home from school because G cleaned it up. All it took was one night and getting leftovers prepared for it to look like this.

Anyone else struggle to have the clean and organized home that you want while also working and taking care of a family? So frustrating.

A Spookily Good Time

2010-11-01T10:29:00.005-04:00

Halloween is definitely a big event around our house. It was celebrated in style with Aiden as a dragon and Livi decked out as a princess. I don't think they could have had more fun or eaten any more candy than they did. It was a great day!

I can't give a great explanation why but this is my favorite pic of the night. This is what I remember Halloween being when I was a kid. Walking down a sidewalk, excited for what the night would hold. I am truly blessed.

Fitting

2010-10-18T02:46:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure why I find this so fitting but October is National Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month and my first pregnancy, which officially was proclaimed non-viable on February 21, 2006, had a due date of October 18, 2006. I dreaded that day for quite a while after my miscarriage but was immensely blessed that on that day I had the "big" ultrasound with my second pregnancy and found out our little bean was going to be an Aiden. G and I took the entire week surrounding that date off and were able to spend that day together. We basked in the glow of our good news. We spent the day, which was a bit cold and gloomy, on cloud nine. That day was so much different than it would have been had I not gotten pregnant when I did. To anyone else it was just a day but there was a difference in my heart. With all the joy we felt, there was still that tug at my heart that said my pregnancy should have been rapping up, not just reaching the half way mark. As happy as I still am to this day with the two beautiful babies I continually brag on, there is that tiny place inside of me that wonders just who that baby would have been and how it would have fit in to our lives. My heart goes out to every woman and family that has experienced a pregnancy or infant loss. And on this day I will always celebrate the joy we felt seeing our sweet Aiden but I will silently mourn for the baby we never had a chance to know, although it was loved from the moment it was conceived.

So Wrong

2010-10-12T10:42:00.002-04:00

Anybody else out there watch Jamie Oliver's "Food Revolution"?? I didn't even try to disguise that one because I think it's an awesome show and if someone clicks through to this blog because they're looking for that then it's okay with me. Anyway, I fell in love with the Food Revolution when it was on TV earlier this year. I think too many times we allow convenience to take over and just eat junk. Not only that but we've come so accustomed to it and have numbed our children to it so effectively that they don't care what they're eating either. I'm not saying I'm not as guilty as the next person but I happened across this video of an experiment that Jamie did on his show that ALWAYS works over in the UK. It didn't work here because the kids just plain didn't care at all what they were about to put in their bodies. If you haven't seen it, give it a watch. It's startling eye opening.

Over and Over Again...

2010-10-09T06:53:00.003-04:00

Last year I talked quite a lot about my weight loss journey but then I backed off a little. I got super busy with work and school and everything else in my life so the blog went by the wayside, as did the healthy eating habits. It wasn't a conscious choice. I mean, there were certainly times I thought "oh it's no big deal, just one day, I'll eat right tomorrow", but for the most part, it was more just being busy and being tired and just eating whatever was the most convenient. Sometimes that was M*Donald's or some other fast food place. And other times it was just wanting that yummy, calorie laden f*rappuccino in the morning and not caring just how many calories it was laden with. When I decided I wanted to get healthier last year, I also decided that part of that was getting rid of clothes that no longer fit. In the past when I have lost weight, I kept the clothes around. That made it all the more easy to gain the weight back. I still had clothes that fit so I must be fine right? Last year I knew I didn't want to make that mistake again so as I got smaller the size 18's and size 16's all went out of the house. I started buying 14's and 12's again. I even got to the point where I wouldn't buy anything over a 12 because the 14's were getting very loose too. A few weeks ago the 12's started getting tighter, uncomfortably tighter. That was my wake up call again. Last year in the middle of December I was at the point of having lost 55.9 pounds. That was my lowest in quite a while. When I got on the scale almost three weeks ago I had gained back 29 pounds. Almost 30 FREAKING POUNDS!! I was NOT happy to say the least. I took stock ASAP and realized I had let both my exercise and my healthy eating lifestyle go and that was NOT okay. I immediately started eating the way that I always should, actually planning my meals and my day to be kind to myself. We have started exercising as a family more (a lot more walks in the evenings, that's for sure), as well as I have started doing my own exercise. At this point I am losing the weight I put back on but I'm not considering it down (as my ticker indicates over on the side there), I'm just considering it that much less up. So I am now up only 17.4 pounds and continuing to go down. I'm a great example that what can be lost can be gained again, but it can also be lost again. It's never too late to take care of yourself and do the things you need to do to achieve your goals.

Road Blocks

2010-09-27T10:39:00.003-04:00

Lately it feels like I'm hitting road blocks every time I turn around. And given the amount of construction in my town it's kind of shocking that I'm NOT talking about traffic issues. What I am talking about is people who stand in the way of progress. I don't want to get in to specifics, because that's not really the point, but what I am talking about is the tendency of some people to want to have control over EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. As if things won't get done if they don't control it. The only problem of course is that they don't truly get the job done and things are constantly being left undone. Instead of getting out of the way they just keep taking over things and taking more control when they should be focusing on their strengths and letting other people have a chance to show their strengths. I know I haven't been specific here but does anyone else out there deal with people like this in their lives? I honestly have no solution to this quandary, and it's been going on for YEARS, but the older I get the less I have patience to continue dealing with this.

Two Years

2010-09-09T09:38:00.002-04:00

I had no idea my life was missing something. When I prayed for God to bless us with a child, just ONE child, and truly believed that I would be okay after having your big brother, I had no idea there was an empty place in my heart that could only be filled with you. You are my sweet girl, my princess, and the best surprise I have ever received in my life. Happy 2nd birthday Olivia Ann! We love you!

A Normal Day

2010-08-30T09:44:00.003-04:00

It was a Friday. Friday's are good days right? Not only was it a Friday but it was the Friday before a holiday weekend so it was going to be a GOOD day. It started like any other day. I got up as usual and headed to work. The day went by and I decided to do a little shopping after work. I can still remember the outfit I bought at Old Navy that day, a pink polo style shirt and a khaki skirt. Nothing special but I thought it was cute. I went home and went out to eat with G. I don't remember where we ate but I remember it being a good night. It was a quiet night. We didn't go out with friends or have anyone over. We hung out around the house. G was on the computer (or maybe playing video games, he would have to tell you that part for sure) and I was talking to my SIL about silly things when at approximately 11:00 p.m. I got the call that would change who I am and who I forever will be. My father died that night. Quietly and simply, he died in his bed. Eight years ago I lost my father, the first man who loved me completely and unconditionally. I am different than I was before that totally ordinary day, some for the better and some for the worse. I miss him every day. Every single day.

Couponing

2010-08-27T15:29:00.002-04:00

For all you out there that try to save money with coupons, do you have issues when redeeming a coupon that came from a store (but is a manufacturer's coupon!) at a different store? I'm just hoping I'm not the only one that gets the stink eye on that issue.

Sometimes life really does get in the way...

2010-08-19T13:30:00.002-04:00

I'm overwhelmed with sadness right now. Life seems so unfair sometimes. The subject line of this post is actually the last line of a blog post. The last blog post a man would ever write. I don't know this man. He lived in Iowa and was a writer. My only connection is that he commented on G's blog and I read his blog every once in a while. As I sat here working just a few moments ago G sent me an IM saying that the blogger and his wife had died Saturday in a tragic accident. They leave behind two young children whose lives will forever be altered. As I read his last post I was overcome by the weight of his words. I will be hugging my husband a little tighter when he gets home from work and giving my babies extra kisses before bed tonight because we truly don't know what tomorrow holds and all too often, life really does get in the way.

Um, Nevermind

2010-08-19T09:03:00.002-04:00

All it takes is a tragedy to break you out of your fear. I'm not scared anymore, at least not of failure. I have a good friend, actually the son of my pastor, who had a tragedy last night. He, his wife, and son were sleeping when he heard a loud noise. They woke up to their kitchen engulfed in flames. Thankfully she grabbed their son and they got out of the house. His older brother is a firefighter who was called to the scene, worried out of his mind that his family was still inside. Again, thankfully they were already out and safe. They were renting from his grandmother and sadly do not have renter's insurance so today they are going to have to try to start picking up the pieces. I know our church will rally around them and lift them up in every way we can. This could have been so much worse. I am truly thanking God today that they are all okay.

And looking at the future without fear.

Scared

2010-08-18T16:56:00.002-04:00

I'm scared. I'm scared of my job not getting any better and me not being able to get enough hours to be able to bring in enough income for our family. I'm scared of not doing well in my classes this semester. There is a LOT riding on my doing well. My husband is supporting me in every way possible so that I can go to school and get a degree and have a better career. If I don't do well then I let not only myself down but him as well. I'm scared of not getting in to the nursing program that I want to be a part of. It's highly competitive and very difficult. It's my goal and if I don't get there then what will I do?? Fear sucks but right now that's where my life is. I'm just trying to hang on and know that I will get through this. I have help and support. I am not alone. But I'm still scared.

Back to Reality

2010-08-10T03:20:00.000-04:00

After "Date Night" G and I were all lovin' and hand holdin'. Until of course we tried that on the way to church on Sunday night. That's when Livi started shouting "hand, hand!" at the top of her lungs until I quit holding G's hand and leaned back to hold hers. Yep, it was nice while it lasted. :-)

Date Night

2010-08-09T14:19:00.003-04:00

G and I actually went on a date Saturday night - and it was AWESOME!! We haven't been on a date if a LONG time and it was overdue. Luckily G's mom was happy to babysit the kiddo's and we got to have the night to ourselves.

We dropped off Aiden and Livi at 5:00 and headed to Red Lobster. We held hands, ate yummy seafood and laughed. Of course we caught ourselves doing that thing that all couples do when they leave their kids - talk about the kids!! That's okay though, we have two amazing babies. I mean, who wouldn't want to talk about them?? After dinner we headed to the mall because, really, what else do we have to do? G needed a refill for his weed-eater and the clasp on my wallet was breaking so it was time to get something else. I found a cute wallet at Maurice's for only $15.00 and was super happy about that. I also got a few new school supplies at Target. I can't help myself. I love back to school time and get almost giddy when I walk through all the school supplies. I only needed some pencils, index cards, and a planner. Nothing special but it was something fun.

After the mall we headed to a local coffee shop where we had HORRIBLE service but just sat and chatted at an outside table, not being interrupted by having to pick up food or toys or a dropped pacifier. We had one more errand, which we accomplished, and then we had totally uninterrupted "adult time", which was wonderful.

At the end of the night we picked up Aiden and Livi who had the BEST time at their mamaw and papaw's house. They were happy to see us and we were thrilled to see them. Livi went straight to bed, although did sing herself to sleep, which is always fun to listen to through the monitor. Aiden wanted to watch some TV and we set up a dvd for him. He was out before the previews were over. Looking over and seeing him totally asleep with the lights on and G banging still banging around brought a perfect end to a perfect evening. G and I got to lay in bed and fall asleep watching Interview with the Vampire. Saturday was a good night.

Tomorrow Is Another Day...

2010-08-03T10:24:00.004-04:00

I have been a huge fan of Gone With the Wind since I was a little girl. Yesterday I felt a bit like Scarlet.

To start the day I posted a vent on Facebook only to have it criticized and questioned by someone I barely know so I just deleted it.

Then I found out I was approximately 16 to 21 points short of an A in my English class I was taking this summer. Frustrating beyond belief.

To finish the day off I received an email explaining that I had not been selected to be a Student Ambassador for my college, which I did last year, because they think I am already a leader and don't think I need the program to help me any further.* Oh and by the way, not to take it personally. I'm a woman through and through so it felt like rejection and felt VERY personal.

By the end of the day all I could think was "tomorrow is another day". I'm just hoping I don't have to think that again today.

*Update: I just spoke to one of the guys I was an Ambassador with last year. He's a very smart, very outgoing leadership personality. Oh and he was invited back to be an Ambassador. Feel like I just got slapped. Dang it.

Really Necessary?

2010-08-01T16:00:00.002-04:00

Someone apparently thought it was necessary to write this on a box of "giveaways" for the county fair. Really? That's not implied??

Why Even Offer??!!

2010-07-23T14:13:00.005-04:00

Normally Livi goes to a babysitter during the week while G and I work. She's absolutely AWESOME. She is the mother of a friend and takes excellent care of Livi. A couple of weeks ago her husband had to have surgery for prostate cancer (he's doing great!!) so of course she needed a couple of weeks off to take care of him. I completely understand that and only pray that he has a fast recovery.

That being said, for the last few weeks I have been looking for someone to help me watch Livi. Now I will say I do work from home, which really helps as far as my flexibility goes but I also work specific hours and am expected to be working during those hours. Having Livi home with me and no one here to help is REALLY hard. Anyway, my younger SIL, S, offers to help or give us a night out and watch the kids ALL THE TIME. Oh and right now S is not employed. I am not exaggerating to say that every time I ask for help she is unable to do it. I thought "heck, I'll give it another try this time" and asked if she could help me out a few days these last two weeks. Of course the response was "well, I'm going to be busy and think I'll have interviews". That must be for the jobs she HASN'T APPLIED TO! To say I was peeved would be an understatement. If you have no intention of ever helping someone don't offer to do it! I will NOT be asking for her help again.

I then thought I would ask my other SIL, R, who is a stay at home mom but cleans a couple of houses a week. She has helped me out in the past and when I called she said she would definitely help me out a few times, she would just get back to me on the days that would work. Wanna guess how that worked out? Yeah, she didn't help me even one time.

Last week two girls from church watched Livi on Tuesday and then my aunt, C, watched Livi on Wednesday. C is employed full time and used her day off to help me and I am extremely grateful for that. I watched Livi the rest of the week and worked as much as possible, luckily things were a little slow so I wasn't missing too much when I had to take breaks.

I even went so far as to post on facebook that I was frustrated and still had no one to help with Livi this week. To that I got a response from a teenager at church that she could definitely help this week and I got a response from another woman from church that she would check her schedule and definitely help me on her days off. I was even offering to pay!! I wasn't asking for a hand out or free services. I paid the girls that helped me last week. I just needed help. Again, wanna guess how the two offers for help panned out?? Yep, that would be with NO help. I have had Livi with me all week while trying to work. Oh and did I mention that I don't get paid an hourly wage? Nope, I get paid by how much I produce. If I'm constantly interrupted and unable to work then I don't make any money.

So here's the part that I'm most frustrated about. If you can't help me I completely understand. People are busy or just plain have other things they would rather do than help with an almost 2-year-old. That is completely fine, that I understand. But do NOT offer to help and get someone's hopes up if you have no actual intention of doing so. It's just plain rude. And FRUSTRATING. And really, really lets a person down when she feels like no one actually cares enough to follow through.

Where to draw the line?

2010-07-22T14:11:00.003-04:00

I know I have talked about reducing my Google Reader list before but have failed to make a significant dent. More accurately I've just been ignoring the Reader most of the time lately and my blog reading has gone WAY down (mainly due to a lack of time). For a long time my blog reading focused on people with which I felt some connection, some pull to in a personal way. Sometimes that was because they were people that were also struggling to have a baby or maybe those that had also come through a miscarriage. Other times it was just someone funny that I could enjoy on a bad day.

Lately I have found myself pulled toward couponing blogs and ways to save money, along with people going back to school or who work in the medical field somehow. Right now that's where my life is. We are struggling to pay the bills (like millions of other Americans out there), prioritizing my schooling (thank you G!!), and just trying to raise our babies the best way we know how. When I have two minutes and happen to be reading blogs I usually end up going over the best deals this week or reading about other parents and their struggles.

On the flip side I have found myself having less and less in common with some of the people I used to read regularly. I don't like to name names but one in particular starts with a "D" and ends with "ooce". :-) Okay, so I figured out a couple of weeks ago that I have NOTHING in common with this woman. If you've been around the blog world long you probably know exactly who I'm talking about. If not google her, it will come up. She has reached a level in her life where I can no longer relate to anything she has to say. She started writing about trying to get their new house and included words like "assistant" and "lawyer" within mere sentences of each other. She now owns a 4-story - yes, a FOUR story - home that is absolutely breathtaking but I'm just trying to keep the lights on. I'm not trying to judge, I really do wish her happiness and success, I just think that for now she will be off the blogroll and I will continue clipping my coupons.

Have you ever come to that point? Where it's just time to walk away from a blog you used to read and at least somewhat relate to? What was your line?

Ch...ch...ch...changes

2010-07-14T15:38:00.003-04:00

Hhhmmmm. Anyone still out there? I know I have been big time AWOL but life has been crazy. And yet somehow I have completely forgotten that this blog is what helps me relieve my stress. Well, maybe that's why I've been a little crazy lately.

Let's see. I'm employed full-time right now, which is stressful in and of itself because work has been slow and I work for a hospital only few years old and I just don't know what's going to happen there.

I am currently in school and paying the tuition myself, which is MAJOR stressful because we just don't have extra money right now, but I'm hoping financial aid will kick in come August.

My babies are getting BIG and I'm loving them more and more every day. I will try to update a whole lot more and tell you what's been going on the last, oh, NINE MONTHS. :-) Well, assuming any one is still reading this thing. LOL.

Catching Up On My Anniversary

2009-10-24T09:37:00.004-04:00

This last month has been HARD. I've been working basically full time for the hospital, part time with my other job and for the college, taking classes, and of course doing the best I can to take care of my family and church responsibilities too. Too much. My part time job ends this week, which is a very good thing, and I am going to be really looking at my priorities. I need less stress in my life and that would be a good place to start. I hate to say this but I have been depressed. Life has been throwing challenges at me and I have no desire to step up. I don't want to continue feeling that way and know that if I am going to meet the goals I have that things have to change, one of them being me.

Other than my life being CRAZY, I do have something nice to report. The weight is still coming off. As of today I'm at 48.3 pounds down. I still can't believe it. I definitely have weeks where not a thing comes off, as everyone does sure, but it feels nice when it's as little as a pound. I got rid of my elliptical this week. I have had it about five years now and I just never really enjoyed using it. It's big and noisy and just plain hard for a short person. Of course I need a way to keep working out through the winter so I am getting a treadmill! Woo hoo! Actually it's used treadmill but when I say "used" I use that term loosely. My manager at the part time job bought it for his wife at tax time this year because she really wanted it. She said she's used it exactly one time. Yep, ONE time. So they sold it to me for CHEAP and I will get the benefit of the barely used treadmill. I have less than 37 pounds to go and I know getting my exercise up there will make all the difference in the world.

On a silly topic, I was told by someone that follows me on facebook that I needed to post more here because she didn't do well on my quiz. I figured I might as well give the answers here so over the next few days I will be answering all of my quiz questions with a few short stories to go along.

Question #1 was "What is Brandy's favorite holiday?" My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. Most people might say because of the food but I just plain love the meaning of the holiday. It's a time to gather with the people that mean the most to you in the world and give thanks for each and every blessing you have received this year. Sometimes the years are hard and people we love are no longer with us to give thanks, but the blessings are still there. I hate that it's scrunched in between Halloween and Christmas and seems to be forgotten these days. I hope my children are able to see just how important it is to take time out and be thankful for all we are given.

And on an extremely personal note - to my husband of 11 years on our anniversary - I love you. Thank you for putting up with me and being there for me and all that you do. Thank you for wanting to be my husband and for loving me. No matter what life may throw at us, I am glad to know that I have you by my side to battle it together.

Going Down*

2009-09-29T08:45:00.004-04:00

I finally broke the 40-pound mark today! I was 39.9 pounds down on Saturday and today when I got on the scale I could have done a little happy dance when I realized I not only got past the 40 mark but I was 1.5 pounds past the 40 mark.

In August I officially stopped nursing Livi (as I mentioned here) and everything as far as weight loss went just stopped. I dropped my WW points but things still weren't moving. I got frustrated, I changed things up, I might have kicked the scale a time or two when NOTHING moved. I didn't gain weight, I basically stayed within about 0.5 pounds EVERY SINGLE DAY. For a few days it was fine but day after day after day gets really, really old when you're doing everything you can to try to see the pounds come off. I just kept telling myself that after nursing and losing so much weight my first three months that my body needed to catch up and even out and eventually I would start losing again. Some days I believed myself and other times I felt like giving up and just accepting myself at this weight.

Apparently even though I was just trying to encourage myself, whether I truly believed it or not, I think I must have been at least partially right. Out of nowhere last week the weight started coming off again and I'm going in the right direction again. I will definitely be posting another update pic soon to show just how far I've come.

To all of you out there that are on the same weight loss journey just remember that it's worth it and please, please don't give up. Shoot me an email and we can become weight loss buddies. I'll send you any tips and tricks I've learned and I would love to hear the same from you. This path isn't easy but it is SO worth it.

*The nasty side of me giggled as I write that title. Yes, I'm just that bad.

Time Flies

2009-09-21T09:38:00.003-04:00

I really wish I had something interesting to talk about but really, life is just about getting by right now. I am still working for the hospital doing full time hours but I'm not officially full time yet. I still have the part time job with the carpet cleaning company, which I'm hoping to leave in the next few weeks. School started and I am now giving 10 hours a week to the college so that they will pay for my education.

Outside of all that Gabe, Aiden and Livi are fabulous. I couldn't ask for a better husband that helps out with the kids and around the house so that I can work and study when I need to. While life is busy right now it is also really good and I am thankful for what I have. Hopefully you will be hearing from me more regularly again as I start to get my schedule a bit more under control. As Gabe would say "yeah, right".

Never Forgotten

2009-09-11T23:46:00.004-04:00

My heart is full and heavy on this day of remembrance. I recall vividly where I was on 9/11/01. I remember the fear, the uncertainty, and the concern as I stood with my fellow man to hear the news as it broke so devastatingly on that day. I also remember the hope, as people gathered and drew strength from one another and honored those that were lost. This day, this time in our country, and these people are not forgotten.

One Year

2009-09-09T07:31:00.002-04:00

Happy 1st birthday Olivia Ann! You are the very best surprise I have ever received. I am so thankful for the amazing year we have had with you and can't tell you how excited I am for the years to come. You bring joy to my life, which can't be compared, and your mommy loves you more than words can say. Happy birthday sweet baby girl!

The Word of the Day is BOOBS

2009-08-10T11:20:00.002-04:00

Because mine are SORE.

Over the last few weeks my supply has really gone down and with Livi fast approaching the one year mark I thought that weaning was in our future. I wasn't that upset about it because I have been exclusively pumping for the last few months and that has really gotten OLD. Two weeks ago I decided to try her on whole milk and it went over fabulously. She drank it down like it was nothing and had absolutely no signs of gastrointestinal upset. All was well. Last week I was down to pumping twice a day and only getting about 10 ounces total. On Saturday I pumped in the morning and got only 3.5 ounces - my lowest ever for a first thing in the morning pumping session. That was when I decided we were done. If that was all I was going to get, not even enough for one feeding, then it wasn't worth it any more.

So do you think it was that easy? Ha! Of course it wasn't. Yesterday wasn't too bad. I felt a little full but nothing too terribly uncomfortable or anything. Today on the other hand I have rock hard boobs from h*ll!! They are hard and full and really, REALLY uncomfortable. Frick! Weaning Aiden was easy, my body did it naturally because I was pregnant. I don't have that particular issue this time but most certainly did NOT expect this.

So what do I do?? Part of me is seriously second guessing my decision to stop while the other part is looking up anything and everything possible to help until my body adjusts. I am thinking cabbage leaves and Zyrtec-D are in my future. If any of you can offer any insight or advice I would be forever in your debt. And ouch!

This Is What's Keeping Me Going

2009-08-05T14:24:00.000-04:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

New Toy

2009-07-29T09:05:00.001-04:00

I got my new Blackberry Curve yesterday!! I am LOVING it so far. If any of you out there have one and want to give me pointers or tell me the great things I can do but know nothing about I would love that. So far I've got my facebook and twitter going nicely but I want to use every feature possible so sent ideas my way! :-)

Warning

2009-07-27T23:40:00.001-04:00

Things are slammed at work, it's finals week, and it's county fair time. Things may be sparse this week (but hey, you're used to that right??) so I will make up for it with tons of pictures when the week is through. Til then...

Seeing Progress

2009-07-24T14:57:00.006-04:00

What do you think happens when I go to try to take a picture or video of myself to show off some progress?? Anybody, anybody? If you guessed the batteries in BOTH of my cameras would die then you would be right. Looks like I will have to run to Wal-Mart for some batteries. Ugh.

Well, I did get one picture that I'm happy with so I will go ahead and post it. I have to include a little background though. I didn't think to take true "before" pictures when I decided I really needed to lose weight in May. It just didn't occur to me. Now of course I'm really started to see it making a difference and wish I had some posed "before" shots to compare things to. Since I don't I got something that I considered the next best thing, so to speak. I have a skirt that I bought when Livi was maybe 6 weeks old. I wore it out for my anniversary in October and it fit just right. It wasn't tight but it most certainly wasn't loose. Today it falls off me. Please ignore the diagonal look, apparently my camera wasn't quite level. Oh well.

I have already given away one skirt that no longer fits and was considering giving this one away too but I think I will keep it until I hit my goal. It would be nice to have one item that I know for sure I wore at my biggest to be able to compare and see just how far I've come. I'm down almost 30 pounds now - only 10 more to forty!

Don't Know What To Say

2009-07-21T08:49:00.004-04:00

I don't know where to begin or end so this may just be a bit of a brain dump.

I have been looking for work since I got fired in February. Luckily I have my part-time transcription work, which is fabulous. I have had ONE job interview and they offered me so little money I couldn't take the job. Seriously, I make the same amount of money in 20 hrs/wk for the hospital that I would have in 40 hrs/wk with this company. It was an excellent opportunity to get in with a great company but I just couldn't accept the position.

Then nothing. Notta, zip, zilch, ZERO. I can't even begin to tell you about the countless applications I've submitted. I even talked to the DIL of someone at church whose office was hiring and after telling her my qualifications she told me to fax all my stuff right over, that she was excited to talk to me further about a position. And then NOTHING. I never heard another word about the job. Finally I called up my old boss from eight years ago to see if by chance they needed help. Things worked out in just the right way that they did and I started working for them. The pay isn't great but it's a very easy job so I really can't complain about that.

I know it's temporary though. I have still been looking for something that will pay a little more, have fairly flexible hours, and will work well for our family. I have a few friends that are school bus drivers. They have told me for years that it would be a great option with having a family. You're always off when they are and that sort of thing. Of course my two are still a bit young for that to matter but you get the gist. I know it's not something I want to do in the long term but I also know that it would be a fabulous way for me to get through school over the next three years until I have my degree. So I decided to apply because they were hiring and pay almost $4/hr more than my current part-time job. I talked to my friends, I put them down as references, they are excited that I would do something like this.

That's where it has all stopped. The son of one of my bus driver friends applied at the same time I did. He is a wonderful, sweet kid and I wish him all the best. But he's also YOUNG and has very little job experience in general. He texted me that he had an interview this morning and to pray for him. I texted him back that I would be but I have to admit, it was like a punch in the gut. I can't even get an interview with anyone and he has one already!

You don't think the story ends there do you? No, of course it doesn't. His interview was at 8:00 o'clock this morning. At 8:41 I got a text message that he got the job. I love him and I wish him all the best but he's a 21-year-old kid who has no bills and lives with his parents and I NEED a job. He doesn't NEED it. I have a family and children and just want to be able to feel like I'm not worried that one bad thing could happen and we could be destitute. I want to be able to buy another vehicle, not a brand new one mind you, just something newer than my husband's 1991 truck and my 2000 car.

And to top it all off I feel really, really bad for feeling this way in general. I have a wonderful husband and two healthy babies. The step-niece of a friend of mine was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia on Friday and has already started chemotherapy. She is only 9-years-old. How in the world can I be so worried about little things like a job when I have so much to be thankful for?

Branching Out

2009-07-18T13:30:00.003-04:00

Given the current economy and my current "underemployed" status I am looking for any way possible that I can make extra money. I would love to do more with my blog but time and everything else inhibits more than I care to admit. I've decided that maybe ads on the old blog might just be the way to go and now I'm diving in. Please, if you have ads on your blog let me know about them. Do you have any advice for me? I have registered with Google AdSense and am waiting on a response. I love this blog and this forum in general. Being able to make a little money off of it would definitely be able to justify the time I would love to spend here. Thanks for any thoughts and advice you can offer!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-07-15T10:55:00.003-04:00

Doesn't she look like she's just giving Gabe the business?

For more Wordless Wednesday participants, click here.

We Have Vegetables!

2009-07-09T16:04:00.005-04:00

This year Gabe (yes, Gabe - I'm just plain done with initials) and I decided we should have a garden. We adore fresh vegetables and have a yard that's more than big enough for one so it really was silly that we'd never done it before. Also, fresh veggies are excellent for you but dear Lord they can get expensive in the store and they just plain don't have anywhere near the flavor of homegrown vegetables. Of course as with everything else in our lives right now this ran way behind and we didn't get anything in the ground (and by we I mean Gabe - he planted our veggies, not me) until near the end of May. But that doesn't matter because they're doing great and we now have vegetables!

This is a cucumber that tasted FABULOUS. We have also planted green peppers and watermelon, which are budding but don't have anything big enough to eat yet, and zucchini, which I've gotten two gourds off of so far and they are delicious - Gabe even discovered today that he likes zucchini! Who knew??

This is one of the tomato plants. We planted regular tomatoes and cherry tomatoes and I honestly don't have a clue which one this is but Gabe took the pic last week and they are already getting bigger. I know they will be red in no time at all and I can just about taste the yummy goodness already. I need to go weed it out, which I think will happen tomorrow.

On a side note, Livi's night of torturing her mama didn't last too long. I really think it was a combination of teething and a late 9-month regression phase. She is just about ready to start walking so I should have been looking for something like that to hit. She did eventually go down for the night about 30-45 minutes after my post the other night and slept through the night. Oh and really, CIO hasn't even been that necessary for her. We do have to use it sometimes but most of the time I can lay her in the crib at her bed time, sometimes she will play or chatter for a little, and then she's out. She is a MUCH better sleeper than Aiden ever was (the boy still sleeps with us - yes, you read that right, he still sleeps in our bed) and I know most of that has to do with necessity but either way she went down at 10:30 last night and again slept through the night. I could most definitely get used to that very easily.

Sleep Is A GOOD Thing

2009-07-07T21:32:00.002-04:00

Livi has been crying for the last hour. She has been changed, she has been fed and she has even been given teething tablets. Apparently she has decided sleep is for pansies. Whatevs. Sleep is good and mom needs some down time to be able to function. Oh and CIO sucks when it's your child doing the crying. Trust me on this one.

Coffee Shop

2009-07-06T11:19:00.001-04:00

Please peruse the left side of this blog for the new button I have added. The Coffee Shop blog is FABULOUS and I want them to redo my blog template. It has been the same forever and new digs would be nice. Send them some love!

What a Waste

2009-07-05T08:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday it rained most of the day. We did make it out to the parade in the drizzle but it really wasn't bad. Aiden and Olivia weren't big fans of the noisy fire trucks but when asked if he had a good time Aiden got a big smile on his face and replied with a "yeah!" so that made it worth it. Our town still put on a fireworks show, apparently because the people doing it couldn't come back tonight for a rain date, and basically wasted about $25,000 worth of fireworks. We most certainly didn't go but a few people we know did and said it was very disappointing. I hate that we didn't get to see fireworks on the 4th this year but we did get to see them last week and it was awesome so I can't complain too much. I hope your 4th was filled with family and fun.

Independence Day

2009-07-04T23:56:00.000-04:00

Freedom is never free and all I can say is thank you.

A Little Stressed

2009-07-03T13:45:00.003-04:00

My two main jobs take up a lot of time and my two classes take up the rest. Of course I also have the cleaning job (only about 2.5 hours a week) but in a busy schedule that makes things even harder. Add in a holiday weekend (which is one of my favorites!) a family night at the drive-in because, hello, I have to have some fun time with G and the babies, and that makes for one stressed out me.

G and I are meeting a bunch of friends and going to the drive-in to see the new Tranformers movie and Year One with Jack Black. I love going to the drive-in. It of course starts near dark, which around here is about 10:00 at night this time of year. We take the pack n' play for Livi, who falls asleep close to the start of the first movie, all bundled up and sweet. Aiden usually falls asleep during or close to the end of the first movie and sleeps through the second, also all bundled up and adorable. I get to eat my 94% fat free Smart Pop (which I LOVE!) in the kettle corn flavor, yum! And G and Aiden chow down on candy and soda. We hang out with our friends and get two shows for the price of one out under the stars.

Tomorrow we'll be heading to the parade in the morning. I have always loved the 4th of July parade but our town parade sucks a little. Well, maybe a lot. Basically we live in a very liberal college town so there are a lot of people with crazy agendas that put themselves in the parade even though they have nothing to do with patriotism, which is the point of the holiday and the parade in the first place. The parade does technically have rules for floats and all of that but they are rarely enforced. One year there was a half naked girl cage dancing on a float and most years there are these hippy, no underarm shaving, chicks with sticks that walk the parade. I have no idea what they have to do with celebrating our country's independence but whatever. I prefer the marching band and the people that actually decorate their floats in a patriotic sort of way. My church has even been in the parade before and trust me, our floats were decked out in a red, white, and blue sort of way.

Tomorrow afternoon will probably be my study time and boy do I need it. Tuesday I have a paper due and Thursday is my mid-term. I also have a quiz due by Sunday so I'm a bit stressed out there. Luckily there is also an extra credit paper I can write to help me at the end of the course (in about 4 weeks), which I'm sure I will be writing just to cover my mid-term and final grades. So far I have 100% in the class but I am VERY nervous about the mid-term. Ugh. I am actually getting sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Oh and that's just about me Psychology class. That doesn't even cover the things I need to do for my health and fitness class.

Tomorrow night will be the fireworks show. Well, hopefully. There is a chance of rain here but I'm REALLY hoping that will bypass us altogether. It rained on the parade last year and that was a real downer. Aiden wasn't a big fan of fireworks last week at our church's show but hopefully being a little farther away from the action will help. Oh and we will be taking a blanket to put over his head if necessary. That's the only thing that made him happy last week - G's hands over his ears, sunglasses on, and a blanket over his head. Livi just slept through most of it. I love that age.

Sunday is a family bbq for G's dad's side of the family. That will be after church in the afternoon but of course that's also when my stuff is due. I'm thinking I will just have to suck it up and make sure everything is done tomorrow because there is no way I will have time for any of it on Sunday. Oh and I have to get my cleaning job in there somewhere too. I have no idea when but sometime.

One day I will get a vacation right?

Making Progress

2009-07-02T10:42:00.001-04:00

The only blogs I've actually deleted off my reader are national newsletter type ones that I have no time for anyway (like Perez Hilton and such). Otherwise the rest of my peeps are intact and slowly but surely getting caught up on.

Cleaning Up

2009-07-01T09:28:00.004-04:00

Do you ever go through the blogs that you read and delete some of them off your reader? I feel horrible doing it but I know it must be done. Of course I agonize over deleting a blog, like I'm betraying someone, abandoning them, throwing them away. How silly is that? Ugh. I stress over the smallest things. Can you tell?

I realized I have 248 blogs on my reader, most of which I am VERY behind on reading (please see the image for proof of this!).

That's not really fair to anyone, including me, so I'm going to slim things down a bit. Of course, I would never stop reading any of you that read and comment on here, that just wouldn't happen. But then again, if you haven't commented lately I may not know that you're one of my readers - so shoot me a quick comment. Let me know you're out there. You will stay on my reader and will most definitely get comments in return.

So get to commenting! :-)

Not Just The Weight

2009-06-30T14:38:00.003-04:00

Things are definitely changing and it's not just the weight coming off. I can walk a whole lot further without wheezing, my thighs aren't rubbing together as much, and I just plain have a bunch more energy. Slowly but surely I am getting healthier! Not only is my weight coming down but of course so is my BMI. In just over 6 weeks I have lost over 4 points off my BMI. I still have 5 points to get down to "overweight" and 10 points to get to "normal" but it will be here before I know it and I can't wait!

So What's New With You?

2009-06-23T17:30:00.002-04:00

Not too much to report on here. I am still going strong with the Weight Watchers regimen. So far I'm down over 20 pounds (seriously, I can't even believe it myself!). This week was really great for me but the previous two weeks' weigh-ins were a bit off (female issues I suspect). I am starting to wear clothes that I haven't put on since before I got pregnant with Aiden, which is an AWESOME feeling and people are starting to notice. The work and frustration are definitely worth it. I'm thinking "before" and "progress" pictures may be coming soon.

In other news I did get another part-time job to help get us through. I am back working in the office for a national carpet cleaning company. I was their Office Manager years ago before they decided to downsize and consolidate offices. Now they are under new ownership and needed some help so here I am. I am getting 20-32 hours at the hospital and 15 hours with this job. I also do a cleaning job once a week that takes about 2.5 hours. Oh yeah, and I'm going to school part-time. Luckily I do the hospital work at home and my classes over the internet or I might be pulling my hair our right now. I am not nearly as stressed about paying the bills but things are still very tight. I think that's just the nature of things right now, so many people are in the same boat we are at this point.

I'm seriously considering doing a few "vlog" posts so don't be surprised if you start seeing something like that on here soon. I would love to answer any question any one out there has for me - be it weight loss related or otherwise. I especially love to share recipes or tips if you want to send any my way. Well I guess that's all for now - as Suze Orman would say "now you be safe!"

Still Going

2009-06-02T10:43:00.005-04:00

I know, I make a big announcement about something and then I go and disappear, that's just like me. But it's not for a lack of wanting to post, it's more for a lack of time. Oh and motivation in another direction - weight loss!

That's right, I'm over two weeks in and I haven't given up. I hit double digits this week, which just made me even more excited to keep going strong. The WW plan is EASY. I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that I'm still nursing Livi (I get an extra 12 points a day for that!) but really I try to keep my points to at least a few under to give myself some wiggle room. That and I know when I quit nursing her in September and have to give up those points that could be a real shock to my system.

Anyway, the eating is going FABULOUS. I am finding new and fun ways to have the foods that I like without overeating and without depriving myself. One of my favorite snacks is actually a fiber bar I found called "Fiber Plus!" They are both YUMMY and great for you - a TON of fiber and only 1 point per bar. My favorite flavor is the Chocolate Chip. It's a great "pick me up" in the middle of the day or just when I need that little extra. Oh and if you click on the link there is a coupon on their website for $0.75 off a box! Saving money is also a good thing.

Another thing I realize I love is lite cool whip. For only 1 point I can have 4 tbsp and it really peps up a fat free yogurt or pudding snack.

Oh and one more thing I am going to give free advertisement to are the Arnold Multigrain Sandwich Thin. These things are EXCELLENT. For only 1 point (or 100 calories if you don't do points) you get a WHOLE bun. Not one slice of bread, not half a bun, the WHOLE thing. It has around the consistency of an english muffin and tastes fabulous. I especially love these toasted with a serving of canned chicken (rinsed to help remove some of the sodium), 1 tbsp of miracle whip, and a slice of lettuce. Along side a half cup of fat-free cottage cheese and veggies for lunch it's only about 6 points total and it's delicious.

I absolutely will admit I have MAJOR portion distortion. The first couple of days I measured things I was shocked at some of the amounts that were actual servings. 1 tbsp of creamer is a serving - it barely changed the color of my coffee. I must have been putting about 5-6 in a day and thinking it was okay because it was fat free - HA! On the positive side I have realized that a portion is really all I need and I can be completely satisfied. A half a cup of cottage cheese is REALLY filling and 1 tbsp of peanut butter is fabulous on two Special K waffles in the morning (ope! more free advertising - oh well - he he).

On the fitness front I am picking up speed. I finally bought a pedometer this week and am going to start keeping track of just how far I'm going in a day. I'm not sure yet exactly where my goal is going to be set but I know as I get more and more fit that goal will just keep going up.

And because I rarely do it I really wanted to answer each of your comments to my last post on here. Usually I respond through email but I really wanted you to know just how much your encouragement means to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

G - I know you still find me sexy and that most definitely makes my day.

Heather - Thank you! LOL. Obviously you have completely different issues but I'm sure you will be able to get right on track with all of your fitness goals once the boys are here. Good luck!

Sky Girl - Your spouse not being interested in changing his eating habits can definitely be a hindrance but you have to remember who you're doing it for in the first place. I am lucky, G really hasn't complained too much (although he has teased me a bit about the weighing and measuring everything - he finds it cute) and really doesn't mind that I've changed around the food we eat a bit. A great thing to do is to take the food you would normally make and enjoy and figure out small ways to make it healthier. Add black beans to fajitas for fiber. Use less oil in cooking. Use whole grain thins instead of white bread. Little things can make a big difference. The how to exercise isn't always easy but really, one of my favorite things to do is pop the kids in the stroller and go for a walk. It's excellent exercise, fabulous for your heart, and you get a break from being cooped up inside the house! Absolutely email me and I'll even give you examples of my meal plans and my exercise schedule. I would LOVE to have another person in this with me to both encourage and to have the added support from.

Serenity - Thank you! I am LOVING this very much and have definitely considered joining the WW online site. If I am able to get another job (still looking like crazy) I probably will in the future but actually they have a lot of recipes and things available on the site for free, which is very nice.

Miss X - Thank you! I know you do and I totally thought of you when I decided to do this program. I will still be here. I feel that my goal weight is something that I can attain in approximately 10-12 months and then of course will move on to maintenance. Good luck - you're getting closer and closer every day!

Heather - That's awesome that you decided to make a change. I have a couple of FABULOUS websites all about weight watchers and with point values of foods already figured up for you if that's what you're interested in doing. I 100% understand about not liking what you see in the mirror. I still feel like the slimmer, trimmer me and that's not what I see when I look in the mirror. Good luck and absolutely email me if you are interested in some site recommendations.

Deanna - Thank you! It definitely made me feel great and to want to just keep going at it. Each pound I see come off is just one more motivation that it's all worth it.

Again - thank you to everyone out there that has sent me great thoughts and fabulous encouragement. I will be updating a lot more and definitely watch my side bar for the weight loss totals.

Finally Doing It

2009-05-21T22:53:00.002-04:00

I bought a scale on Saturday because I've never owned one in my adult life. When I worked at the pain center I used their scale and when I worked for Dr. J I used hers. I figured if I am ever going to actually do something about my weight and health that I need to have a scale to actually have a starting point.

When I stepped on the scale on Saturday I could have puked. I am the heaviest I have ever been outside of pregnancy. I am heavier than when I got pregnant with Aiden almost 3 years ago. The number I saw on the scale was enough to disgust me. There is no way I can live my life at this weight. I want to be a good mother and a good example to my children. I want to look and feel as good on the outside as I do on the inside. I know my husband loves me and finds me sexy no matter what but I want him to look at me and see the me he married over 10 years ago!

It's really sad that this weight thing just keeps coming up over and over and over again. I know my job stress and trying to go back to school and everything else is NOT helping that either. Being stressed out is NOT a good excuse to be fat. I decided to REALLY do something about it. I am now doing weight watchers. I'm not going to the meetings (I just can't afford that right now) but I am doing the plan. I have the starter kit (albeit from a few years ago and will be buying the updated one next month) and am going to take control of my life again.

I know I've said that before and it's easy to think "blah, blah, blah, same old thing over and over" but this time I didn't stop to think about it or talk myself out of it. Monday morning I got up and ate good things for me. Tuesday I went to the store and bought good things for me. I am measuring and weighing my food. Food is there for nourishment, not just mindless eating and gluttony. I am fueling my body to be a better me. Next week I am going to buy a pedometer to start measuring just how much I am walking daily so I can get my exercise up to a level that will put me in much better shape and build a stronger me.

So far I'm down 6.0 pounds. I know that includes quite a bit of water weight and will most likely continue to through next week. I have no desire or thought that my weight loss rate will continue at such a speed, I'm really just looking for 1-2 pounds per week, which I think is a healthy way to lose weight. Every day when I see the number on the scale go down, even if just another 0.5 points it's one more motivation that's telling me I'm doing the right thing.

My SIL and friend, P, from church are supposed to be doing this with me. P ordered her starter kit this week and we will be encouraging eachother on this journey. I know I need someone to be accountable to. I am not yet sharing my current weight but we are going to tell each other our stats each week - loss, gain, or neither. It's an honor system, we weigh ourselves, but I see no advantage in lying, as that would only be hurting ourselves.

I've also added a ticker to this blog to keep myself in check and I'm throwing this out there too. If any of you are on this weight loss journey and want to "partner" up to have another person you're accountable to I would LOVE to help in any way I can. I know having someone else to talk to and exchange ideas/recipes with can be an immense help. I will start posting some of my favorite recipes on here as I feel this thing out and find my way. I cooked FABULOUS fajitas the other night and am looking for any thoughts/ideas/tips/recipes you can send my way too. One of these days I will get this under control and food won't have to be on the forefront of my mind any more.

Trying To Get Into Shape...

2009-05-18T21:32:00.000-04:00

When you go for an hour long walk while pushing your 32 pound toddler and 18.5 pound infant in her car seat with them both in a double stroller and the thing that hurts most when you're done are your thighs from rubbing together is that a bad sign??

Why Must Everything Be So Hard??

2009-05-06T12:54:00.006-04:00

One of these days I'm actually going to update about the fabulously wonderful things in my life (like G and my two sweet babies) but I am not in a bragging about that sort of thing mood right now. Instead I'm just frustrated and peeved off. I need a break. I don't mean from life or my family, I mean in general. I need to catch a break like nobodies business.

I can't get a call back for a job. I can't even get cruddy, part-time jobs to call me back. I don't care if I seem overqualified I just need a PT job for goodness sake. Seriously, I will take $7-$8/hr to make up the difference with my other PT job okay?? Really, I'm not that great anyway, I got fired from my last job as it is.

I can't seem to get any financial aid even though we're broke and I got fired in February. Apparently two kids and no money still equals able to pay for freaking college. Whatever.

I can't even seem to catch a break on my books! The campus I go to has a very strict policy about not giving ISBN numbers out over the phone because they want to make sure you're getting the right book when you come in to purchase it. NOT!! They just want you to have to purchase their $126.00 crazy expensive book, that's all. If they cared about making sure their students got the right book they would list the ISBN number so I could look it up online for a used book. That would make all the difference in the world.

One of these days there will be a happy post around here. Until then, thank you all for sticking around and if you have any tips on paying for college or ways to make extra money (without me having to shake my booty for it) they would be very much appreciated.

FAFSA Sucks!

2009-04-16T21:47:00.003-04:00

I'm sure any of you that have tried to receive Federal Financial Aid out there and been told you make TOO MUCH MONEY can relate to the title of this post. I have been fired from my job. I don't have a full-time job at this point and am drawing unemployment, and I'm doing everything I can think of to try to go back to school and finish my degree so I filled out the FAFSA. And of course I make way freaking too much money in their opinion and should be able to contribute $5000.00 this year to my education. I would LOVE to know where this is going to come from. Normally I just pull money right out of my butt but that is quite a bit at one time. If I had freaking $5000.00 I would be buying a newer car or trying to put new siding on my house. I most certainly would NOT be filling out a FAFSA because I'm BROKE. So thanks a lot federal government. I'm so very glad you're bailing out banks and crooks and people that ran their businesses into the ground. I'll try to smile about all the fabulous things going on in this country while I stand in the welfare line.

Ant Invasion

2009-04-13T22:16:00.000-04:00

Please, PLEASE tell me how to get rid of the tiny little ants that have decided to invade my home!! They are driving me INSANE!

Even Better...

2009-02-26T12:34:00.002-05:00

Best Office Set-up Ever

2009-02-26T10:10:00.003-05:00

Loose Ends

2009-02-21T07:14:00.002-05:00

Even after all that went on at my last job I really don't hold a grudge or any truly nasty feelings. More than anything I would love to just move on and never think about that place again. I have never wished Dr. J ill-will, more than anything I just want to move on with my life. Of course since that's what I want do you think that's what's happening? Of course not. I found out on Tuesday that Dr. J has decided to contest my unemployment benefits. She fired me and didn't give me a severance and now she wants to turn around and try to make it so that I have no income while looking for another job. She doesn't have a clue about the part-time job but I'm sure that will come out soon enough and that will probably make her want to fight things all that much more.

I know I have spoken briefly about how extremely frustrating my job could be but I'll sum up the major issue now. When I was hired we were fully staffed with 3 front office people, 2 part-time front office people, me, and 1 part-time person to help me. Over the course of a year we let my part-time person go, one of the part-time front desk people, and then had a revolving door for the full-time positions. Any times the front office wasn't fully staffed I had to cover the phones and the desk and anything else that needed to be done. Of course the time spent on the front desk took away the time I could spend on my work, which in turn caused my work to suffer. I repeatedly (and I do mean REPEATEDLY) asked the owner to hire people and she put it off time, and time, and time again. All the while acting as though there shouldn't be a reason for me to be behind. Not only that but I worked extremely hard to keep that office running, even when I had Livi. I worked from home and in the office getting mail and processing payments and payroll only 4 days after Livi was born. Yes, you read that right. I basically took almost no maternity leave.

All that being said, during the year I was employed with them there was never one mention of the possibility of my being terminated, there was never one write-up done regarding my employment, and there was never a written warning documented to show that she was unhappy with my work, even if she thought I did horrible work (or whatever went through her messed up mind). Basically she doesn't have a leg to stand on but it will hold me up from getting any payment at all for 4-8 weeks. Trust me when I say there are a lot of profanities I could use right now to describe this woman.

One crazy thing that has shocked me during this week is how wrong I was about 2 of the people that I worked with. I know I've spoken about T here before and not in the most flattering of light. I regret that now. I don't think I've spoken about G here but basically the reason I was hired on at Dr. J's office is because G decided to work at home with her mother doing medical billing on her own. Even though she no longer worked with Dr. J full time she did end up staying on as an independent consultant to help with the A/R. Sorry, had to get introductions out of the way. Anyway, during my time in the office G always seemed like a very sweet person and someone I could depend on. She was always willing to help and we went out to lunch a few times, she really seemed like a friend. T on the other hand was just more rough. We didn't always see eye to eye, although we got along for the most part, but she didn't really seem like she'd give a flip about me one way or the other once I ever left that office.

How very wrong I was. Don't get me wrong, G acted like my friend. I called her to tell her the situation but she already knew. Dr. J had called her the night before to find out if G would take over the entire billing and payroll areas if she fired me, which of course G agreed to do. She claims it's because Dr. J has helped her so much in the past that she owes her but I know the money is the real motivation (which I don't even blame her for, I just can't stand the two faced person she is). She pretty much said how sorry she was and how wrong it was and how I could absolutely use her as a reference at her work number at home. That was on Monday and I haven't talked to her since.

T has called me every day to see how I'm doing. She wants to meet for lunch and was appalled at the way Dr. J treated me. On Tuesday night T called in tears because of the things Dr. J and G were saying about me. Dr. J wants T to testify against me when she contests my unemployment because I did T's taxes for her on the office computer at 10:30 in the morning - which isn't lunch time. First of all, I never had a set lunch time and secondly, I was on it when I did the taxes! She is basically grasping at straws. Then T heard G back in my office talking to the new girl (oh wait, did I forget to tell you Dr. J hired someone the Saturday after she fired me? so basically there are now 2 people to do my job, the one she fired me for because I needed help - hhhmmmm) about the work that was left undone. Then she turned to Dr. J and said she should take pictures of the work they were having to do that I left undone.

Of course I left work undone, I got fired!! Seriously, I know very few people that work in an office/bookkeeping position that go home every day with every piece or work done. Maybe I am the oddball here but seriously, do you all have your work 100% complete when you walk out the door each night? Either way T told Dr. J that I did the taxes on my lunch hour to keep T from having to pay hundreds of dollars to a crappy tax place to do them for her and got very upset. I know now she's worried about when Dr. J is going to turn on her and fire her next. Really, it's just a matter of time.

It's amazing to me the shocking way people will treat each other, even in times of hardship and strife. This most definitely has taught me a lesson about trust, sadly enough, and how to better see people for who and what they really are.

The Rest Of The Story...

2009-02-20T23:39:00.002-05:00

Wow, I still can't believe I've lost my job. I know I wasn't truly happy there, heck, I dreaded going to work most days, but it was a job. That's literally how I got through the days - I just kept telling myself "at least I have a job, at least I have a job". Apparently that mantra isn't enough to keep a job. Ugh. So, since I have been asked I am going to share the details of the firing. I'm sure I would be sharing them anyway but I feel a bit more encouraged given that I was asked for them. :-)

One week ago today I was headed to work, actually in an excellent mood, singing along to the radio and ready to start the day. I don't know what put me in a such a good mood but that was about to change. When I got to work I grabbed my gas station hot chocolate in one hand and my lunch from home in the other and headed inside. Well, I tried to head inside. When I got to the door it was locked. Now, this isn't 100% uncommon, as the door stays locked even when using a key to get in, you just have to manually unlock it if you're the first one there. The unusual thing about that morning was that the owner, Dr. J, her husband J, Dr. M, and the new woman S were all there so it really shouldn't have been locked. I knocked hoping S would hear me so I wouldn't have to get out my keys and I also saw J at the end of the hall talking to Dr. J and thought "oh good, J will come and open the door for me". S ended up hearing me and coming to the door first. She said something along the lines of "that's weird, I don't know how this door keeps getting locked, Dr. J got locked out earlier and I thought I had unlocked it for sure". I didn't think anything about that and just thanked her for opening the door.

I headed to my office, which is basically just inside the employee entrance. Dr. J went in before me but that wasn't uncommon at all given we kept charts and things like that in there. As I stepped inside I knew something wasn't right and there were things moved around but I couldn't place it in that fraction of a second. Her husband followed me in and when she turned around I knew something was up. I said "is everything ok Dr. J?" and her response was "Brandy, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to replace you." You could have knocked me over with a feather. I said something like "excuse me" and she replied "well, it just doesn't seem like you can keep up with this job by yourself and I need someone that can do all of the work without help".

I was so shocked in that moment that I couldn't even say anything. At that point she said "I'm going to need your keys and we went ahead and boxed up your things". Yes, you read that right, she had actually gone through and boxed up my belongings!! There was a flood of emotion going through me but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of me breaking down there in the office. It was a mix of humiliation, embarrassment, anger for putting up with all she'd put me through, and the remnants of shock that she would treat anyone like this.

I started putting the things that she had missed into the box and finally turned around and asked "Dr. J, are you at least going to offer me a severance?" I asked because every single person she's fired since I've been there that was full time (that would be 4 - which doesn't include the 2 part time people she fired) was given at least one week's pay, including the woman that only worked for 1 week!! Her response - "I'm sorry, I just can't afford it right now, I'm broke." I offered back - "As of Feb 28th I would have been here one year and at that time I would have earned my one week of vacation and 3 personal days, would you at least pay me that?" She stated again that she couldn't but again I said "I earned that time and was here almost the entire year." So then she said "well I'll think about it."

As I was putting away the things she missed (my coffee mug, my The Office calendar, etc.) she stood and watched like I would steal something from her. I have a stamp that read "sent" on one end and "received" on the other that I brought with me. She stopped me while I was putting it in my box and said "what does that say?" When I told her and included "and it's mine, I brought it with me" she backed off with something like "oh, I was just wondering in case we needed to get one." Whatever.

Then she had the nerve to walk me out to my car spouting things about being broke. I basically ignored her and just put my things away. She finally walked back inside while I put my boxes in my car. It wasn't until I got in my car and sat down to call G that I finally broke down. I called him and given that I completely lost my crap at that point he thought someone had died or something until I told him what had happened. Being the amazing, supportive, wonderful man that he is, he told me everything would be fine, we would deal with it, and to go home and play on the internet and watch TV and do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day to regroup. And I did.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I still can't believe that was only a week ago. I can't tell you the amount of amazing support I've received from all of my family, friends IRL**, and of course all of you. Within a few hours of being terminated I had so many supportive emails, offers for treats at Starbucks, and some fabulous offers to slash the owners tires. He he. Of course I said no thank you but it was a tempting thought.

I've already applied for a few positions but nothing has really happened yet. I did talk to my boss at my part-time job and she was very sorry about the news but very excited since we are swamped right now and bumped me up from 12-15 hours to 20-24 hours. That may not last if we don't stay busy but that's not really the expectation and if things keep going this way there is a very real possibility they could offer me full time in maybe 6-8 weeks. That is truly my ideal situation, as I would be working at home and have so much more time to spend with my family, along with getting actual benefits, time off, and more pay. Seriously, can you beat that?

Now I have to thank you for all of your AWESOME comments. Your comments absolutely picked me up when I was feeling like such a failure. To check my email and see that you were thinking of me gave me the boost I needed to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get back out there to find the place I'm meant to be. I know I've said it before but thank you, thank you, and thank you again for being the wonderful people you are and for caring about me the way you do.

** And by the way, thank you G for being the fabulous husband you are. I know you will be reading this and I hope you know that I wouldn't be the person I am, nor would I be able to get through something like this without the love and support you give me. You are my rock and there are no words to express the joy you give me each and every day.

EDITED TO ADD: I almost completely forgot about this but it is an important part of the story. When I got to work last Friday I told you that the door was locked and I didn't think anything about it at the time. It was later when I got to analyze the events of the day over and over again on a continuous loop in my brain that I realized what had happened. I know in my heart of hearts that Dr. J's husband stood at the door and waited for me to get there. When he saw me pull in to the parking lot he locked the door to slow me down so he could go get Dr. J to fire me right away. They wanted to ambush me before I even sat down. I can't imagine what goes through a person's mind to come up with something like that but thinking about each thing that happened that morning I know that's exactly what they did. I knew he was crazy and so was she but they pushed the crazy up a notch with that one.

Done

2009-02-13T09:06:00.000-05:00

I got fired today.

What Little Controversy I Have In Me

2009-02-06T14:54:00.004-05:00

Am I the only one that doesn't care at all about the fact that Michael Phelps smoked some weed? Seriously, it just doesn't even register on my importance scale. We have widespread homelessness and foreclosure issues, banks crashing, and job loss at rates that haven't been seen since the 1970's but OH NO - Michael Phelps got caught with a bong! Let's hang him from his legs and beat him with a cat of nine tails.

What? You think that's a little harsh? Yeah, me too. I for one think this country needs to get over itself, legalize the pot and start making some major money off an industry that could create jobs, raise tax revenues, and pump some much needed action into the economy.

This coming from a woman that's never even been drunk, much less smoked a joint. But I feel that way nonetheless. Please tell me I'm not alone...

Friends I Never Imagined

2009-01-30T16:18:00.007-05:00

Today I was catching up on my blog reading when I should have been working. Yes, I know that's horrible but I needed a break in the worst way.

I have a lot of blogs on my google reader because I just can't help myself. I started out by reading a few infertility bloggers (some of the biggies including getupgrrl and julie of "a little pregnant" and some of the beautiful people I met on the TTC boards so many years ago - you know who you are!!) and that lead to finding a few more through comments. Then I started reading the people who comment and can't stop and they get added to my reader and so on and so forth. This is how I've found one of the dearest friends I've never actually seen IRL - JJ. She is fabulous (and she's pregnant after PCOS and so many years of struggling and she found out today what she's expecting!! But I can't say because she hasn't updated her blog yet - hint, hint!).

I started my blog to talk about infertility issues, or so I thought. Somehow it just turned into the life and times of Brandy, which was okay too. I am lucky to have an amazing husband who supports me and is there for me for whatever I need but he is a man and I am a woman and we are just inherently different. When pregnancy didn't come quickly we had a completely different outlook on it, which is okay, but I needed a community that understood my need for research and understanding. I couldn't take a "wait and see" or "just relax" approach, that's just not how my brain works. It ended up being an awesome group of people that lifted me up and supported me in times I didn't think I could go on.

I said all that to come to this point. I read a lot of blogs that I almost never comment on. For a person who likes to talk a LOT (right G?!*) and has a ton of opinions on just about everything (even more right G?!) there are times I worry that my comments may hurt. The blogs I'm referring to are generally stillbirth or infant loss blogs. The reason I don't comment isn't out of a lack of caring or concern but out of fear that my comment would lead back to this site with pictures of two living babies and stories of their antics. I adore sharing Aiden and Olivia with all of you but I would never want to hurt those dealing with loss in their lives by commenting and shoving it in their faces. Does that make sense?

My view was changed. I read a beautiful blogger named Amy (who I really hope doesn't mind me talking about her here!). She gave birth Dec 13, 2007 to her son William who was born still at 25 weeks. As I said before, I'm getting caught up on my blog reading so it was just today that I came upon her post from Jan 16th asking anyone out there reading, even the lurkers, to comment and let her know. I have been a lurker there for quite some time and even though I wanted to be as sensitive as possible I also wanted to honor her request for delurking.

Her response caught me completely off guard. She said that support means everything and that she appreciated my comment. She also said "you are in my computer...which automatically makes you friendly and a friend". When I read that I had to stop for a minute and collect my thoughts. When it comes to the blogging world I have never read a statement that I found so true. While there may be toxic people and trolls out there I have been immensely blessed by the amazing group of friends I have made in my computer. When I signed on and started this journey never in my wildest dreams would I have thought some of my dearest friends would be in places I've never visited and in cities I've never seen. So I guess more than anything this is a thank you, to all of you, who continue to keep moving and living and walk tall in this world, and who then sit in front of your computer screen and give your love to so many who need it so deeply.

*If you couldn't tell from my references G does read this blog. Do your spouses or significant others read yours? Or know about them? hhmmm. That may just have to be another blog post for another day.

Twitterpated

2009-01-29T11:28:00.002-05:00

So um, yeah, I joined the twitter movement. BrandysJourney is out there if you want to follow me. Also, I would LOVE to know who is on twitter so leave me your links and I will be following you!

Fun Times (for Aiden, not Me)

2009-01-29T10:22:00.005-05:00

I live in Indiana (as my profile states) and like many other states we got a whole bunch of snow in the last couple of days. Yesterday a snow emergency was declared in our county so me and the kids didn't leave the house (even though G still had to go to work - stupid work!). Things went well most of the morning and I even tricked Aiden into eating a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. Basically I have to make him think it's something mommy is eating and then he's interested. I just made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, cut it in half and started eating my half. After a minute he came up and took bites from the other half and then ran off with the plate. This is the picture I captured of my little man eating his lunch:

He looked so adorable sitting there with his sandwich and cup. He was watching Blues Clues on his little dvd player and seemed very happy. This is in the corner of our dining room, his own little play area. It was just about a half an hour later that Livi got hungry so I sat down to feed her. Aiden was no longer in my line of sight but I could still hear him and see if he got up from the table. I was almost done nursing Livi when things seemed just a little too quiet. Normally that means he's taken the dvd out of the player to touch it but I was not prepared for what I was when I peaked around the corner. Aiden was standing there doing something he knows he is NOT supposed to do:

Oh the horror!! That's crayon all over the wall by the table and chairs. I just about freaked out. There are no more crayons allowed in this house unless Aiden is strapped into his high chair or booster seat at the table.

I have no idea where to start because although this is washable crayon this is also a wall covered in flat paint. I've used the magic eraser for small areas but that can basically take off the paint too if I'm not careful. I've heard colgate toothpaste also but haven't tried it yet. If any of you have any wonderful crayon removing ideas I would LOVE to hear them. Even if I could afford paint right now, who in the world has the time for that??

Snow Day

2009-01-27T11:11:00.002-05:00

Look who joined me at work:

We got 3-4 inches last night and there are another 3 expected tonight. I didn't feel comfortable trying to get up Livi's babysitters driveway so she came to work with me. She fought sleepy time but she finally went down.

By the way - this is the only time she sleeps on her belly. We are back sleepers at home but at nap time Livi is a natural belly sleeper. Even in the middle of the night if she is nursing on her side and I get up she will roll on to her belly and conk out. I have to get her up and put her back on her back. I have a feeling when she can truly roll herself over her belly will be her sleeping position of choice.

Coincidence?

2009-01-22T15:19:00.003-05:00

I talked about the women that work in my office briefly a couple of weeks ago. Today they were both busy doing therapies on patients when the phone rang. If it rings more than 3 times I answer it because I do NOT want the doctor answering it. Anyway, the woman on the other end of the line says "is this the office hiring an Office Manager?". Of course I replied "no, I'm sorry we're not" but I have even less confidence in the security of my job. Blah.